Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer [213]
Edward frowned at Emmett and then at me.
Theres plenty of time for that tomorrow, he said.
Dont be ridiculous, I complained. Theres no such thing as plenty of time anymore. That concept does not exist. I have a lot to learn and-
He cut me off. Tomorrow.
And his expression was such that not even Emmett argued.
I was surprised at how hard it was to go back to a routine that was, after all, brand new. But stripping away even that little bit of hope Id been fostering made everything seem impossible.
I tried to focus on the positives. There was a good chance that my daughter was going to survive what was coming, and Jacob, too. If they had a future, then that was a kind of victory, wasnt it? Our little band must be going to hold their own if Jacob and Renesmee were going to have the opportunity to run in the first place. Yes, Alices strategy only made sense if we were going to put up a really good fight. So, a kind of victory there, too, considering that the Volturi had never been seriously challenged in millennia.
It was not going to be the end of the world. Just the end of the Cullens. The end of Edward, the end of me.
I preferred it that way-the last part anyway. I would not live without Edward again; if he was leaving this world, then I would be right behind him.
I wondered idly now and then if there would be anything for us on the other side. I knew Edward didnt really believe so, but Carlisle did. I couldnt imagine it myself. On the other hand, I couldnt imagine Edward not existing somehow, somewhere. If we could be together in any place, then that was a happy ending.
And so the pattern of my days continued, just that much harder than before.
We went to see Charlie on Christmas Day, Edward, Renesmee, Jacob, and I. All of Jacobs pack were there, plus Sam, Emily, and Sue. It was a big help to have them there in Charlies little rooms, their huge, warm bodies wedged into corners around his sparsely decorated tree-you could see exactly where hed gotten bored and quit-and overflowing his furniture. You could always count on werewolves to be buzzed about a coming fight, no matter how suicidal. The electricity of their excitement provided a nice current that disguised my utter lack of spirit. Edward was, as always, a better actor than I was.
Renesmee wore the locket Id given her at dawn, and in her jacket pocket was the MP3 player Edward had given her-a tiny thing that held five thousand songs, already filled with Edwards favorites. On her wrist was an intricately braided Quileute version of a promise ring. Edward had gritted his teeth over that one, but it didnt bother me.
Soon, so soon, I would be giving her to Jacob for safekeeping. How could I be bothered by any symbol of the commitment I was so relying on?
Edward had saved the day by ordering a gift for Charlie, too. It had shown up yesterday-priority overnight shipping-and Charlie spent all morning reading the thick instruction manual to his new fishing sonar system.
From the way the werewolves ate, Sues lunch spread must have been good. I wondered how the gathering would have looked to an outsider. Did we play our parts well enough? Would a stranger have thought us a happy circle of friends, enjoying the holiday with casual cheer?
I think Edward and Jacob both were as relieved as I was when it was time to go. It felt odd to spend energy on the human façade when there were so many more important things to be doing. I had a hard time concentrating. At the same time, this was perhaps the last time I would see Charlie. Maybe it was a good thing that I was too numb to really register that.
I hadnt seen my mother since the wedding, but I found I could only be glad for the gradual distancing that had begun two years ago. She was too fragile for my world. I didnt want her to have any part of this. Charlie was stronger.
Maybe even strong enough for a goodbye now, but I wasnt.
It was very quiet in the car; outside, the rain was just a mist, hovering on the edge between liquid