Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer [30]
Edward.
He didnt move.
Edward?
Nothing. So, this would be a monologue, then.
Im not sorry, Edward. Im I cant even tell you. Im so happy. That doesnt cover it. Dont be angry. Dont. Im really f-
Do not say the word fine. His voice was ice cold. If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine.
But I am, I whispered.
Bella, he almost moaned. Dont.
No. You dont, Edward.
He moved his arm; his gold eyes watched me warily.
Dont ruin this, I told him. I. Am. Happy.
Ive already ruined this, he whispered.
Cut it out, I snapped.
I heard his teeth grind together.
Ugh! I groaned. Why cant you just read my mind already? Its so inconvenient to be a mental mute!
His eyes widened a little bit, distracted in spite of himself.
Thats a new one. You love that I cant read your mind.
Not today.
He stared at me. Why?
I threw my hands up in frustration, feeling an ache in my shoulder that I ignored. My palms fell back against his chest with a sharp smack. Because all this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I was perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now-well, Im sort of pissed, actually.
You should be angry at me.
Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?
He sighed. No. I dont think anything could make me feel better now.
That, I snapped. That right there is why Im angry. You are killing my buzz, Edward.
He rolled his eyes and shook his head.
I took a deep breath. I was feeling more of the soreness now, but it wasnt that bad. Sort of like the day after lifting weights. Id done that with Renée during one of her fitness obsessions. Sixty-five lunges with ten pounds in each hand. I couldnt walk the next day. This was not as painful as that had been by half.
I swallowed my irritation and tried to make my voice soothing. We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then-well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing. I brushed my fingers along my arm. I think for a first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice-
His expression was suddenly so livid that I broke off mid-sentence.
Assumed? Did you expect this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones-that equals a victory?
I waited, letting him get it all out. Then I waited some more while his breathing went back to normal. When his eyes were calm, I answered, speaking with slow precision.
I didnt know what to expect-but I definitely did not expect how how just wonderful and perfect it was. My voice dropped to a whisper, my eyes slipped from his face down to my hands. I mean, I dont know how it was for you, but it was like that for me.
A cool finger pulled my chin back up.
Is that what youre worried about? he said through his teeth. That I didnt enjoy myself?
My eyes stayed down. I know its not the same. Youre not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I cant imagine that life gets any better than that.
He was quiet for so long that, finally, I had to look up. His face was softer now, thoughtful.
It seems that I have more to apologize for. He frowned. I didnt dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasnt well, the best night of my existence. But I dont want to think of it that way, not when you were
My lips curved up a little at the edges. Really? The best ever? I asked in a small voice.
He took my face between his hands, still introspective. I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you. A shadow crossed his expression. He had faith in me, though-faith I didnt deserve.
I started to protest, and he put two fingers over my lips before I could comment.
I also asked him what I should expect. I