Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer [8]
At least, if I had to be bundled up, Edwards shirt was on the floor. I never got over the shock of how perfect his body was-white, cool, and polished as marble. I ran my hand down his stone chest now, tracing across the flat planes of his stomach, just marveling. A light shudder rippled through him, and his mouth found mine again. Carefully, I let the tip of my tongue press against his glass-smooth lip, and he sighed. His sweet breath washed- cold and delicious-over my face.
He started to pull away-that was his automatic response whenever he decided things had gone too far, his reflex reaction whenever he most wanted to keep going. Edward had spent most of his life rejecting any kind of physical gratification. I knew it was terrifying to him trying to change those habits now.
Wait, I said, gripping his shoulders and hugging myself close to him. I kicked one leg free and wrapped it around his waist. Practice makes perfect.
He chuckled. Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldnt we? Have you slept at all in the last month?
But this is the dress rehearsal, I reminded him, and weve only practiced certain scenes. Its no time for playing safe.
I thought he would laugh, but he didnt answer, and his body was motionless with sudden stress. The gold in his eyes seemed to harden from a liquid to a solid.
I thought over my words, realized what he would have heard in them.
Bella , he whispered.
Dont start this again, I said. A deals a deal.
I dont know. Its too hard to concentrate when youre with me like this. I-I cant think straight. I wont be able to control myself. Youll get hurt.
Ill be fine.
Bella
Shh! I pressed my lips to his to stop his panic attack. Id heard it before. He wasnt getting out of this deal. Not after insisting I marry him first.
He kissed me back for a moment, but I could tell he wasnt as into it as before. Worrying, always worrying. How different it would be when he didnt need to worry about me anymore. What would he do with all his free time? Hed have to get a new hobby.
How are your feet? he asked.
Knowing he didnt mean that literally, I answered, Toasty warm.
Really? No second thoughts? Its not too late to change your mind.
Are you trying to ditch me?
He chuckled. Just making sure. I dont want you to do anything youre not sure about.
Im sure about you. The rest I can live through.
He hesitated, and I wondered if Id put my foot in my mouth again.
Can you? he asked quietly. I dont mean the wedding-which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms- but afterward what about Renée, what about Charlie?
I sighed. Ill miss them. Worse, that they would miss me, but I didnt want to give him any fuel.
Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike.
Ill miss my friends, too. I smiled in the darkness. Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?
He growled.
I laughed but then was serious. Edward, weve been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me.
Frozen forever at eighteen, he whispered.
Every womans dream come true, I teased.
Never changing never moving forward.
What does that mean?
He answered slowly. Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were pregnant?
And he thought about shooting you, I guessed with a laugh. Admit it-for one second, he honestly considered it.
He didnt answer.
What, Edward?
I just wish well, I wish that hed been right.
Gah, I gasped.
More that there was some way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential. I hate taking that away from you, too.
It took me a minute. I know what Im doing.
How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look