Breathing Lessons (1989 Pulitzer Prize) - Anne Tyler [83]
"No, it's not! People are always saying that, but what's past is never past; not entirely," Maggie told her. "Fiona, this is a marriage we're talking about. You two had so much sunk into it; such an exhausting amount was sunk in. And then one day you quarreled over nothing whatsoever, no worse than any other time, and off you went. As easy as that! Shrugged your shoulders and walked away from it! How could that be possible?" "It just was, all right?" Fiona said. "Jiminy! Do we have to keep rehashing this?" And she reached for her beer can and drank, tipping her head far back. She wore rings on every one of her fingers, Maggie saw-some plain silver, some set with turquoise stones. That was new. But and then mails it without a letter or a note, not even my full name on the envelope but only F. Moran?" "Well, that's pure pride, Fiona. Both of you are way too-" "And when he hasn't laid eyes on his daughter since her fifth birthday? Try explaining that to a child. 'Oh, he's just proud, Leroy, honey-' " "Fifth birthday?" Maggie said.
"Here she keeps wondering why all the other kids have fathers. Even the kids whose parents are divorced-at least they get to see their fathers on weekends." "He visited on her fifth birthday?" Maggie asked.
"Look at that! He didn't even bother telling you." "What: He just showed up? Or what?" "He showed up out of the blue in a car packed to the teeth with the most unsuitable presents you ever saw," Fiona said. "Stuffed animals and dolls, and a teddy bear so big he had to strap it in the front seat like a human because it wouldn't fit through the rear door. It was much too big for a child to cuddle, not that Leroy would have wanted to. She isn't a cuddly type of person. She's more the sporty type. He should have brought her athletic equipment; he should have brought her-" "But, Fiona, how was he to know that?" Maggie asked. She felt an ache beginning inside her; she grieved for her son with his earful of wrongheaded gifts that he must have spent his last penny on, because heaven knows he wasn't well off. She said, "He was trying his best, after all. He just didn't realize." "Of course he didn't realize! He didn't have the faintest idea; the last time he visited, she was still a baby. So here he comes with this drink-and-wet doll that cries 'Mama,' and when he catches sight of Leroy in her dungarees he stops short; you can see he's not pleased. He says, 'Who is that?' He says, 'But she's so-' I had had to run fetch her from the neighbor's and quick smooth down her hair on the way through the alley. In the alley I told her, "luck your shirt in, honey. Here, let me lend you my barrette,' and Leroy stood still for it, which she wouldn't do ordinarily, believe me. And when I had fastened the barrette I said, 'Stand back and let me look at you,' and she stood back and licked her lips and said, 'Am I okay? Or not.' I said, 'Oh, honey, you're beautiful,' and then she walks into the house and Jesse says, 'But she's so-' " "He was surprised she had grown, that's all it was," Maggie said.
"I could have cried for her," Fiona said.
"Yes," Maggie said gently. She knew how that felt.
Fiona said, " 'She's so what, Jesse?' I ask him. 'She's so what? How dare you come tramping in here telling me she's so something or other when the last time you sent us a check was December? And instead you waste your money on this trash, this junk,' I tell him, 'this poochy-faced baby doll when the only doll she'll bother with is G.I. Joe.' " "Oh, Fiona," Maggie said.
"Well, what did he expect?" "Oh, why does this always happen between you two? He loves you, Fiona. He loves you both. He's just the world's most inept at showing it. If you knew what it must have cost him to make that trip! I can't tell you how often I've asked him, I've said, 'Are you planning to let your daughter just drift on out of your life? Because that's what she's bound to do, Jesse; I'm warning you,' and he said, 'No, but I don't . . . but