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Doctor, I took his hand, and he’s my husband, remember, and he looked as if—he looked like a man that a woman is flirting with and he’s not sure he likes it.

Look, my dear. I’m going to make a suggestion. You have another cup of tea and a cigarette. Wash your face—there’s a washbasin in there. I’m going to ask him to talk to you again. But don’t come in if you can’t stop yourself crying. Do you understand why? If you are very emotional, it may have the effect of blocking him—try and be easy and relaxed, and things may come back.

I’ll try, doctor.

Well, Charles, I talked to Doctor Y.

Yes.

I like him.

I can see him.

See him?

Some you can’t see at all.

Oh, yes………………………………………………………………………

I didn’t understand that, it’s no good pretending I did. But I want to ask you something. This is hard for me Charles. Please don’t be angry.…

I don’t think I’ve felt anger yet. I haven’t felt. But I can see emotions on your face and on the faces of the doctors and nurses.

But you asked me to go away. What did you feel then?

I felt, not that all over again, not that again.

What?

You asked me what I felt. That is what I felt—if that is feeling. I didn’t want that. I don’t want that, you see.

Now Charles, I’m very calm, and I’m not crying at all. But I want you to look at me, and answer me. When you see me sitting here, am I just the same to you as—oh I don’t know, the nurses, or the doctors?

The same?

I mean, don’t you know me any better?

I know you, I know you very well.

You do—oh, then.…

I know them too. Looking is knowing.

Oh, I see.

You are all very …

Very what?

You are all so—large. Very bright. Very hot and bright.

You press on my eyeballs. You press into my eyes. It is too much.

Are you afraid of me, Charles?

Your anger …

Charles, when you say you don’t remember anything, do you mean that? Not me, nor your children, nor your home?…………………………Not your mother and your father? You were fond of your father, Charles, very fond, don’t you remember?………………………

My mind is full of memories,

Oh you do—but the doctors say …

I don’t remember the things you talk about.

What do you remember then?…………………………Charles?…………………You don’t answer … Tell me, what you remember might link up somewhere with the truth.

Truth is a funny word, isn’t it?

Oh, Charles, you never used to be philosophical!

Philosophical? What’s …

Why is it that some words you know quite well, and others you look blank?

I’ll tell you, if you like. Some words—match. A word falls out of your mouth and matches with something I know. Other words don’t fit in with what I can see.

But what do you see? Charles? Tell me?………….

Felicity—you talk to me. Tell me what you think. Tell me what you know. You are my wife? Well then, tell me about that.

Charles! Very well, then. I’ll try. We were married in London, Kensington Registry Office. In February. It was 1954. It was a very cold day. Then … we went to a farm in Wales for our honeymoon. We didn’t have very much money. We were there for three weeks. We were very happy … Charles? Shall I go on? We went to a flat in Cambridge after that. Later we got a house. I started with Jimmy in Wales. Jimmy is our elder son. We have been very happy.

Why are you so much younger than I am?

But … well, you fell in love with me, Charles.

And I’m not surprised.

Charles, for God’s sake, don’t flirt with me, I can’t stand it. I’m your wife.

I’m sorry.

You were worried, you said fifteen years was too much. But I said nonsense, and I was right, it hasn’t made any difference at all. I was one of your students.

Oh yes, they keep telling me I teach. Teach. That’s a funny word …

Do you want me to go on?……………………………………………………I think I’ll go now, if you don’t mind, Charles. Do you want me to come back? I don’t mean tomorrow, because Aunt Rose is with the boys and she has to go back to stay with Aunt Anna, because Aunt Anna isn’t very well, she has her bronchitis back again, and of course I can’t leave the boys alone, but I could come back in four or five days if I can get Mrs. Spence