Brown's Requiem - James Ellroy [68]
“Are you the odd woman out, Kallie?” I asked.
“Not really. Mark and I are together. I just felt like staying behind and rapping for a while.”
“Thanks. I wasn’t quite ready to walk back to my room yet.”
“You know, I didn’t believe most of what you told us. I believe you were a cop, all right. You look like one. But the rest of it was a con job, right? I mean about being sickened by the violence and racism and all that. Right?”
“I guess so.”
“Why did you lie?”
“I’m not sure. I wanted you people to like me and I wanted to move you on a level you could appreciate, but I didn’t want to give up too much of myself in the process, I guess.”
“You’re in trouble, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Bad trouble?”
I nodded.
“I knew it. It’s your eyes. They’re scary. They’re not indent, whatever that is.”
“You’re not afraid of me, are you?”
“No. You’re scared enough for the both of us. I’ve got good antenna. I can tell when someone’s hurting. You’re hurting bad.”
“I’ll be all right, I think. There are some things I have to do down here, and a big mess waiting for me back in L.A. I’ve been drinking, but that’s over, so I should be okay. I appreciate your concern, Kallie. You’re a lovely young woman.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“I hope so. I got involved with a woman in L.A. just before I left, but I’m not sure what will happen when I return.”
“I was just wondering.”
“I’ve got some business to attend to that should keep me busy down here another few days. I’d like to see you again.”
“I don’t think that’s possible. I want to give you something, but I don’t want to get involved.”
“I guess I was being forward. I’m sorry. I’m very stoned. It’s a strange sensation.”
“Don’t be sorry, Fritz. I like you. I’ve got a thing for men who are hurting. It’s kind of sick, I guess. If you want, you could stay with me tonight.”
“I’d like that.”
“Please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t want to get it on. I’m not promiscuous. I’ve got an aura. I can impart good feelings to people in trouble without sex. I’m a love carrier. I can help you. If you could see your own face, then you’d know how bad your vibes are.”
“I’ll do anything you like, sweetheart.”
Kallie led me to a high sand drift away from the other brothers and sisters. We laid out a large double sleeping bag and got in with our clothes on. We held hands and cracked jokes for about an hour. After a while exhaustion caught up with me and I started to drift off. Kallie placed my head on her breasts and gently ran her fingers through my hair until I fell asleep. I awoke in that same position hours later, as dawn broke across the water. Kallie had bared her breasts during the night and they were flushed and sweaty from the weight of my head. As I came awake, she did too. I looked at her expectantly, hoping her nakedness meant that we could now make love, but Kallie shook her head. We stood up and embraced.
“Thank you,” I said.
Kallie nodded and squeezed my hand. “Don’t come back, Fritz. I know you. You’ll do something to blow it here. I’ll remember you in my meditations. Count on that.” It was very final. I kissed her on the cheek and walked back to my life.
My room looked different when I returned to it. The squalor of peeling paint, the musty smell and the rusty furnishings caused me a long moment of self-revulsion. But that passed. The past was dead and there was a future to contend with. I started by pouring the remains of my Scotch down the sink. Then I carted my records up the fire escape to the roof of the building and sailed them off” in the direction of the housing development. Most of them died abruptly, but some managed to land on the roofs and gravel front yards of the impoverished dwellings. It made me feel good, like a god sending culture