Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [19]
The circle of women I network with feels truly supportive. I became a member in 1999 and have since grown professionally, as have the other members. I lost my mother and sister since becoming a member. Knowing that these women knew what I was going through and that it was an inspiration for them to see how I handled work during that, was the best feeling. I have never experienced anything like that with men.
Again, we see a female respondent crediting the nurturing by fellow women as an important component of her networking experience—also conspicuously noting that the men she’s been exposed to differ in that regard.
He Says...
The first thing we’ve got to define is the way success for men and women is different. Understanding what is important to each gender will help us understand why they use the criteria they do to deem themselves successful (or not). This understanding isn’t to just give us a sense of comfort and being on the same page—because we’re not! We’re very different in what motivates us. Understanding what motivates one another affords an inside advantage to both business and personal communication, and ultimately helps us affect the bottom line. Uncovering what both men and women define as success will also show why women rated themselves higher than men.
If you ask a man to define whether or not his networking efforts have been successful, he will come up with an answer based on how many deals he’s closed as a result of them. He’s got this little abacus in his head and the beads are clicking away, tallying how many conversations came to monetary fruition. When the beads of the abacus total a bottom line that he approves of, that’s success to him. He’s been motivated by the idea of production and acquisition since his ancient, prehistoric roots.
Back when we were cave dwellers it wasn’t much different, really. I can imagine myself in that era, acquiring, providing, bringing home food for my family, feeling satisfied and proud of my accomplishments, which today translates as “closing the deal.” My caveman self-esteem would have been high if I managed to keep them wanting for nothing. What I’d bring home would be the bottom line and that would create my definition of how successful I was.
She Comments . . .
I can imagine the satisfied grunting and business-appropriate loincloth for the hunt.
He Responds . . .
OK, loincloths aside, it really can be traced back to our simple beginnings. Just as early man determined some of the traits modern man still carries, imagine the cave diva of days gone by, acquiring a network of cave sisters for the purpose of raising children, gathering resources, and supporting each other communally in those harsh times.
Similarly, if you ask modern woman to rate her networking success, the little abacus in her head will be tallying up all the new relationships she’s developed, and if the number is high, she’ll consider herself successful. She also may quantify her success by how much she has enriched the quality of current relationships and improved her networking and conversing skills.
What happened to the bottom line? How can there be success with no bottom line? How ridiculously unproductive and silly is that? Business networking is supposed to be for getting results that translate to business. It’s not about building friendships and having fun. It’s also not supposed to be for just building endless relationships that don’t yield anything. It’s all about what you can get from each relationship.
What’s blatantly obvious by now is that men and women define success differently. We each have our own personal definitions of it based on what we perceive as desirable achievements. For men it’s quantified by bigger sales, greater profits, expansion of territory, new market opportunities, products or services we can sell, and strategic alliances that may bring us more business