Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [40]
We’ve all met that guy at a social function whose favorite topic is him. Through the entire conversation you both express interest in him and if he does ask about you or your business it’s obviously only out of obligation. When you ask about him, he eagerly jumps in headfirst, excited to educate you all about his fascinating world. It’s everything you never wanted to know, and he’s trying to sell to you the whole way through. That guy also has an inclination to tell off-color jokes and comment inappropriately to women about their clothing and looks.
He’s actually harmless and not trying to hurt anyone or be rude. He’s just clueless. Most of us just put up with him and then roll our eyes when he moves on to the next person or group. We then smile at one another with a sly comment and continue talking as if he never existed.
There’s something important that that guy teaches me. I don’t ever want to be the person that people laugh at, smirk over, or roll their eyes and snidely talk about. That guy is a wrecking ball, destroying potential relationships left and right. The damage his clumsy social blunders cause lasts a long time and can be very difficult to get past.
One of the things Mr. Social Misfit is really good at not doing is adapting his communication style to those around him. Most of us do this instinctively and subconsciously. We don’t try to adapt, we just do. Let me give you an example with this story of Little Johnny and Mr. Henderson.
Little Johnny Meets a New Friend
Little Johnny is three years old, and his father introduces him to his friend Mr. Henderson. Mr. Henderson, in his great stature, stands at six feet four inches and weighs in at 230 pounds. His gray hair and booming voice command deference.
Johnny’s dad calls out, “Johnny, I would like you to meet Mr. Henderson, the president of the bank.”
Mr. Henderson sees Johnny, puts out his hand, and says in his strong corporate president voice, “Hello, Johnny. I’m Hank Henderson. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Johnny, who looks like a frightened puppy, says, “Huh?”
“So Johnny, tell me, what were your activities today and what do you have planned for tomorrow?” asks Mr. Henderson.
Three-year-old Johnny says, “I dunno.”
“Well, Johnny, it’s important to have goals in your life. What do you want to accomplish in the next year?” Mr. Henderson asks with great anticipation.
Johnny looks confused and starts to say something but can’t. He just tears up and then cries and runs away.
Mr. Henderson looks confused and says to Johnny’s dad, “You’re going to have to get him focused and give him a little backbone.”
What was the problem with this conversation? Did Mr. Henderson, bank president, speak to Johnny as if he were a 3- or 30-year-old? He didn’t adapt his communication style appropriately and spoke to the toddler the same way he speaks to adults.
Little Johnny Makes a New Friend: Take Two
Let’s look at the next scenario and see what happens when Mr. Henderson approaches Johnny differently.
Johnny’s dad calls him into the room saying, “Johnny, this is Mr. Henderson, the president of the bank.”
Mr. Henderson crouches down to try and get almost eye-level with Johnny and says, “Hey, Johnny. I’m Hank. Wow, that’s a really cool Sponge Bob shirt you have on. I love Sponge Bob. Do you like Sponge Bob?”
Johnny smiles, “Uh-huh,” and points to Sponge Bob on his shirt.
“Johnny, how old are you? Five?” Mr. Henderson asks, knowing that Johnny is three.
Johnny smiles again and says, “No, I’m free,” and holds up three fingers.
“Three! You can’t be three. You are way too big to be three. You look like you’re five. Are you sure you’re three?” says Mr. Henderson with great surprise in his voice.
“Yup. I’m only free.” He beams proudly, very impressed that someone thinks he is big enough to be five.
“Well, you are a big boy and very smart,