Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [52]
If your networking efforts focus on the transaction and not the relationship, the data seems to indicate very clearly that you will not be nearly as satisfied with your success in the process. In other words, you’re much more likely to feel that networking has played a role in your success if you focus on building the relationship first and then focusing on the business.
Interestingly, our survey data shows that women seem to do a bit better in this area than men. Not only do women tend to have a relational focus, but you’ll see later in the book how this has an effect on the percentage of business that women generate compared to men.
Gender aside, though, here’s the take-away lesson that we think is pretty, well, sexy: Networkers who focus primarily on relationships are more successful.
He Says . . .
We just want to get things done. We take the quickest route possible to get what we need done in the most efficient way. For us, business isn’t about the relationship until after the deal is done. We talk business, do the deal, then build the relationship with our customers, clients, and the person who gave us the referral. If I believe that the person before me is credible, can do what he says, and will make me look good if I give him business or referrals, then and only then am I really interested in the relationship.
Doing the business first is how we build the relationship with others. After that we can go out for a drink, play golf, and connect more deeply. When networking with women, this approach does not work. Women want to know us, like us, and trust us before they give us business or refer us to those people in their networks.
Men, ladies are top-notch at getting and giving referrals. When we do not take the time to build the relationship, or take them seriously, we lose in a big way. It won’t hurt us to slow down, listen, and get to know our female fellow networkers. Instead of jumping from visibility straight to profitability, we should slow down for the credibility phase of the relationship and build stronger, more effective relationships.
PREMATURE SOLICITATION BY IVAN MISNER
Has someone you didn’t even know ever solicited you for a referral or business? I call this “Premature Solicitation.” (Say that fast three times and you might get in trouble!)
I’ve been a victim of “premature solicitation” many times. I was recently speaking at a business networking event, and, before my presentation, a man came up to me and said, “Hi, it is a real pleasure to meet you. I understand you know Richard Branson. I offer specialized marketing services and I am sure his Virgin enterprises could benefit from what I provide. Could you please introduce me to him so that I can show him how this would assist his companies?”
OK, so what I was thinking was:
Are you completely insane? I’m going to introduce you, someone I don’t know and don’t have any relationship with, to Sir Richard, whom I’ve only met a few times, so that you can proceed to attempt to sell him a product or service that I don’t know anything about and haven’t used myself? Yeah, right. That’s NEVER going to happen.
I am pleased to report, however, that with much effort, I was able to keep that little monologue inside my own head, opting instead for a much more subtle response.
I replied, “Hi, I’m Ivan, I’m sorry—I don’t think we’ve met before, what was your name again?” That surprised the man enough to make him realize that his “solicitation” might have been a bit “premature:” I explained that I regularly refer people to my contacts, but only after I’ve established a long-term, strong relationship with the service provider first. He said thanks and moved on to his next victim.
What was even more