Caine Mutiny, The - Herman Wouk [174]
A flicker of interest enlivened the yeoman’s dull eyes. “Aye aye, sir,” he said, and left.
“Kay, boys,” the captain said zestfully to the officers. “Now we close in.”
“Going to make the arrest, sir?” said Keefer.
“I certainly am,” said Queeg, “as soon as we check for one more bit of evidence. That’s where you two come in. It’s going to take a bit of organizing.”
“The crew expected an arrest at noon,” said the exec.
“Always good to keep ’em guessing. The next thing we’ve got to do-the last thing, actually-is find that duplicate key. And how do you gentlemen suggest we do that?” Queeg grinned from one officer to another. “Pretty tough, you think, hey? Well, here’s what we’re going to do. It’s three simple steps. Step one. We’re going to collect every single key aboard ship, tagged with the name of the owner. Step two. We’re going to make an intensive search of the ship and a personal search of everybody to be sure we’ve got all the keys. Step three. We test all the keys on the wardroom padlock. The one that opens it, well, the tag on it gives you the name of the guilty party.”
Keefer and Maryk were dumfounded. The captain glanced at their faces and said, “Well, any questions? Or do you agree that that’s the way to go about it?”
“Captain,” said Keefer cautiously, “I thought you told me this morning you knew who stole the strawberries.”
“Of course I do. I spoke to the man this afternoon. He lied in his teeth, of course, but I’ve got him nailed.”
“Then why not arrest him?”
“There’s a little matter of evidence if you want a conviction,” Queeg said sarcastically.
“You said his statement gave him away-”
“Of course it does. Logically. Now all we need is the key itself.”
“Sir, do you realize there may be a couple of thousand keys on the ship?” said Maryk.
“What if there are five thousand? Sort ’em out, it’ll take maybe an hour, and you’ll only have a few hundred that could possibly fit the padlock. You can check one a second, sixty a minute, that’s one thousand eight hundred keys in half an hour. Anything else bothering you?”
The exec rubbed his hand over his head, took a deep breath, and said, “Sir, I’m sorry, but I don’t think the plan has any chance of working. I think you’ll upset and antagonize the crew for nothing-”
“And why won’t it work?” Queeg looked down at the rolling balls.
“Tom, do you think it’ll work?” Maryk turned to the gunnery officer.
Keefer glanced sidewise at Queeg, then threw a wink at the exec and shook his head. “I don’t know how it can hurt to try it, Steve.”
“I’d like to know your objections, Mr. Maryk,” said Queeg through his nose.
“Captain, I don’t know where to begin. I don’t think you’ve thought it through. Why-first of all, we don’t know there is such a key-”
“Let me interrupt you right there. I say there is, therefore for your purposes there is-”
“All right, sir. Assume there is. Assume this search starts. There are a hundred million holes and ducts and cracks and boxes and crannies on this ship where a key could be hidden. It could be tossed over the side. The chances of our finding it are nil. And as for a man handing it in to you with his name tagged on it, do you think anyone would be that crazy?”
“The world is full of crazy people,” said Queeg. “Frankly, since you’re talking to me as though I were a goddamned idiot, I don’t think he’ll hand it in. But I think he’ll hide it and we’ll find it, which’ll prove my case. As for dropping it over the side, don’t worry, he’s not going to do that after all the trouble he had getting it-”
“Sir, you could hide a key in the forward fireroom and I could search for a month and not find it, just in that one space-”
“All you’re saying is you’re not competent to organize a thorough search, and I guess maybe you’re right. Therefore I shall organize the search-”
“Captain,