Caine Mutiny, The - Herman Wouk [291]
“Do you love this Feather?”
“If you call love what we had, those things don’t happen again. And thank God for that, I say.”
“He’s old.”
“You’re young. In many ways that’s worse.”
“You can’t kiss two people the way you just kissed me. You’re not in love with him.”
“Sex takes up a very small part of the day, anyway.”
“It makes the rest of the day worth living.”
“You could always talk fast. Be honest, Willie, what’s the point of coming back out of nowhere like this? It’s all dirty and broken and finished. It was wonderful but you ruined it.
“It isn’t all sex. Our minds run the same way. We’re talking just as we always did. Even these painful things we’re saying are alive and worth hearing and exciting, because we’re saying them to each other-”
“I’ve gotten so I like money.”
“Then I’ll give you money.”
“Your mother’s.”
“No, I’ll go into business if you really want it. I can make a go of whatever I put my hand to-”
“I thought you wanted to teach.”
“I do, and I think you’re talking through your hat about money. You’re stalling.”
May looked bewildered and desperate. “Don’t you know what a horrible beating I took from you? I thought our love was good and dead. I was glad of it-”
“It’s not dead. It’s our life, still-”
She scrutinized his face coldly. “Okay, since you’re being so noble I feel like telling you something. I don’t care if you believe it and I don’t intend it to change anything. Just so’s you know there are two noble people in this deal. I haven’t slept with Walter. So there’s no question of rescuing the poor lost waif.” She grinned sarcastically at his stunned look. “Too much for you to swallow, no doubt. I told you, I don’t care-”
“Christ, May, of course I believe you-”
“Not that he didn’t try, God knows, or doesn’t keep trying in his nice way. But there’s a catch. He really wants to marry me. And he’s not a grabbing college boy. Seems he isn’t divorced yet. And I have this coarse Catholic prejudice against getting into bed with a married man. Nobody else would believe this, no reason why you should-”
“May, can I see you tonight after the show?”
“No, Walter’s having a party-”
“Tomorrow morning?”
“Good God, morning!”
“Afternoon?”
“You’re still thinking in Navy terms. What can civilized people do in the afternoon?”
“Make love.”
She suddenly laughed aloud, richly and deeply. “You fool. I said civilized people, not Frenchmen.” She looked at him with a flash of the gaiety that had been their way together. “You know, you’re still Willie, after all. You looked so damn forbidding there for a while-”
“It was the hair, May. It threw me completely. You had the most beautiful hair in the world-”
“I know you liked it. It was Walter’s idea. He’s cold-blooded about it. He’s taken surveys and everything. The dopes like their singers blond, that’s all.” She put her hands to her hair. “Is it really so awful? Do I look like a tramp or something?”
“Sweetheart, my love, stay blond the rest of your life. I don’t even know what you look like. I love you.”
“Willie, how did you almost get killed? What happened?”
He told her the story of the Kamikaze, watching her eyes. The look in them was familiar. He thought May was glancing out through the windows of the singer. She was still there. “And-and then you wrote that letter?”
“Same night.”
“Didn’t you want to take it all back in the morning?”
“Here I am, May. I even tried to phone you from Pearl Harbor-”
“It feels funny to hear you call me May. I’m getting used to Marie.”
“I got this for my colossal heroism.” He pulled the Bronze Star out of his pocket, opened the box, and showed it to her. May’s eyes gleamed in admiration. “Here, take it.”
“Who, me? Don’t be crazy.”
“I want you to have it. That’s the only good I’ll ever get out of it-”
“No, Willie, no-”
“Please-”
“Not now. Put it away. I don’t know, maybe another time-it’s- Thanks, but put it in your pocket.”
He did, and they looked at each other. She said after a while, “You don’t know what I’m thinking.”