Caine Mutiny, The - Herman Wouk [93]
“Well, sir-” Gorton hesitated. He thought ComServPac might have heard about the cutting of the towline; such stories traveled fast in the Navy. But he was afraid to mention it, because Queeg had yet to acknowledge that it had happened. “Speak up, Burt, you needn’t fear offending me.”
“The only thing is, sir,” said the exec, “you-I think maybe you overestimated the difficulty of recovering. I’ve seen it done. We were once out on a shooting exercise with the Moulton, back in ’40. The towline parted. They recovered it, no strain, in about half an hour.”
“I see.” Queeg compressed his mouth, staring at the balls, and was silent for a while. “Mr. Gorton, can you explain why this vital piece of information was not given to me at the time, when it would have decisively influenced my command decision?”
Gorton gaped at the captain.
“Maybe you think I’m pulling a fast one on you, Mr. Gorton. Maybe you think I was supposed to read your mind for any relevant information. Maybe you don’t think that the primary duty of a second-in-command is to give his superior informed advice when asked.”
“Sir-sir, if you recall, I recommended that you allow Mr. Maryk to recover-”
“Did you tell me why you recommended that, hey?”
“No, sir-”
“Well, why didn’t you?”
“Sir, I assumed that when you said-”
“You assumed. You assumed! Burt, you can’t assume a goddamn thing in the Navy. Not a goddamn thing. That’s why I have to submit a written report to ComServPac, because you assumed.” Queeg struck the desk with his fist, and glowered silently at the wall for perhaps a minute.
“I readily grant you,” he said, “that it called for a little intelligence on your part to understand your duty in this matter and give me all the dope. But it was definitely your responsibility. Hereafter, of course, if you want to be treated as if you don’t have the professional background which I respect in you, why, that can easily be arranged.”
Queeg sat, nodding to himself, for a long while. Gorton stood dumfounded, his heart pounding.
“Kay,” said the captain at last. “It’s probably not the first butch you’ve ever pulled, Burt, and it may not be your last, but I damn well hope it’s the last you pull as my executive officer. I like you personally, but I write fitness reports on the basis of professional performance only. “That’s all, Burt.”
CHAPTER 14
Queeg on the Carpet
Willie Keith came into Keefer’s room shortly after the captain left for his interview with ComServPac. The ensign’s hair was rumpled, his boyish face full of strain. “Say, Tom, excuse me,” he said. “How about this written report on Urban’s shirttail? What the devil are you going to say?”
Keefer yawned and smiled. “What the hell are you worrying about? Write anything. What does it matter? Whose eyes are going to see it? Take a look at what I wrote. It’s on the desk there under those sneakers.”
Willie pulled out the typewritten sheet and read:
Subject: Urban, Signalman 3/C-Violation of Uniform Regulations by.
1. On 21 October 1943 subject man was out of uniform due to inadequate supervision.
2. Undersigned officer, as OOD, and also as department head of subject man, was responsible for adequate supervision of subject man. Due to insufficient attention to duty this was not done.
3. The failure to adequately supervise subject man is regretted.
4. Steps have been taken to ensure that such incidents do not recur.
THOMAS KEEFER
Willie shook his head in rueful admiration. “Jesus, that’s perfect. How long did it take you to do it? I’ve been sweating over mine since reveille.”
“Are you kidding?” said the communications officer. “I wrote that as fast as I could type it. Probably a minute and a half. You just have to develop an ear for Navy prose, Willie. For instance, note that split infinitive in paragraph three. If you want a letter to sound official, split an infinitive. Use the word ‘subject’ very often. Repeat phrases as much as possible. See my beautiful reiteration of the phrase ‘subject man.’ Why, it’s got the hypnotic