Candle in the Darkness - Lynn N. Austin [10]
I rolled over onto my stomach, buried my face in the pillow, and sobbed.
Chapter Two
September 1853
On my first day of school at the Richmond Female Institute, I was so terrified I refused to get out of bed. Tessie had to yank the covers off my head, pry my fingers from the sheets, and drag me out of it. She kept up a steady stream of chatter as she wrestled me into my new uniform, telling me how much I would like the new school, how many new friends I was going to make, and a lot of other foolish things like that.
“But I’m scared!” I wept. “Don’t make me go, Tessie. I’m scared!”
She finally stopped coaxing, and a frown creased her smooth brow. Even when she was angry, Tessie was one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Her figure didn’t need a corset to give it a perfect hourglass shape, and she wore her faded, homespun dresses with the grace and elegance of a fine lady in silks. Tessie’s face was perfectly proportioned, too, with a delicately flattened nose, thick, full lips, and slanted, almond-shaped eyes. Daddy had purchased her as my mammy a month before I was born, when Tessie was just fourteen.
She gave my shoulders a gentle shake. “Stop you fussing, Missy. Why you want to be shaming you daddy thisa way? Don’t you know he one of the richest men in this city? How you think he feel if his only child scared to leave her own house? You want people laugh behind his back?”
I stuck out my lower lip, defiant. “Mother never leaves the house.”
“Humph!” Tessie grunted. “And don’t all of Richmond know that, too? You be strong, now, like you daddy. Else you be growing up all strange-acting, like you mama—lying around in bed all day, crying all the time, swallowing them pills.”
I stared at Tessie, too shocked to speak. Never in my life had I heard any of the servants speak so disrespectfully about my mother. I wanted to slap Tessie for saying such things—even if they were true. My daddy would probably whip her good if I ever told him what she’d said. But I knew it was because Tessie still blamed my mother for selling Grady to another owner.
The day after they’d taken Grady away, I had awakened to find Tessie throwing open my window shutters, just like she always did, and saying, “Time to get up, sleepyhead.” I’d waited until she sat down on my bed, then I’d wrapped my arms around her and hugged her for a long, long time. I could tell by the way she hugged me back that she had missed me, too. I remembered what Esther said and didn’t ask Tessie any questions about Grady. Tessie never once mentioned her son, either. Everything seemed the same—except Grady was gone, and Tessie no longer sang or hummed to herself.
Now Tessie took advantage of my shock after her bitter words about my mother to finish buttoning me into my uniform bodice. Her words had hit their mark, though. I did want my daddy to be proud of me. And I didn’t want to stay in my room most of the time like my mother did.
Tessie brushed my hair, then steered me over to the bedroom table where a plate of ham and biscuits with redeye gravy awaited me. My stomach rolled sickeningly at the smell, even though I usually loved Esther’s ham and biscuits.
“I can’t eat. . . .”
“Yes, you can, baby,” Tessie said gently. “Come on, now.” She crouched down beside me and began spoon-feeding me small bites, as if I were two years old instead of twelve. When she saw that I’d reached my limit, she helped me to my feet again. “You daddy wants to see you before he leave for work. He in the library.”
I descended the gracefully curved stairs with dragging feet. Daddy sat behind his desk reading the Richmond Enquirer while he ate his breakfast. He folded the paper and laid it aside when he saw me.
“Well, now. Aren’t you quite the young lady in your new uniform?” I wanted to beg him not to make me go, but my mouth was so dry I couldn’t talk. “You