Candle in the Darkness - Lynn N. Austin [115]
“There’s a story in the Bible about when Joshua getting ready to fight the battle of Jericho. He cross over the Jordan River, all alone, and he meet the angel of the Lord, carrying a sword. Joshua ask, ‘Whose side you on, ours or the enemy’s?’ Angel said, ‘Neither one. I’m on God’s side.’
“God’s gonna have His way in this war, Missy, just like He have His way at Jericho. He ain’t on neither side, North or South. But there are things He needs to get done and battles He wants to win in folks’ hearts—up north and down here. People on both sides better not be praying for their wills to be done, because God don’t answer them kind of prayers. They better pray that His will be done.”
Eli paused as he stopped beside my stool, then he crouched in front of me so we were eye to eye. “When the angel of the Lord tell Joshua he’s on God’s side, Joshua do the right thing. He fall on his face and say, ‘What does God want his servant to do?’ Joshua decide to serve in God’s army and fight God’s battles instead of trying to get God to fight his battles.”
“Neither the Yankees nor the Rebels are my enemies,” I said. “I don’t believe in either of their causes. Could this . . . could this be the time you warned me would come? Do you think God has prepared me ‘for such a time as this’?”
“That depends. You making up your mind to be His servant?”
“I don’t know . . . I don’t think I can betray Charles. But if I don’t help Robert, then I’m betraying you and Tessie. How do I decide?”
“The decision isn’t who you gonna help and who you gonna betray. The decision is whether or not you gonna listen for God’s voice and do what God telling you to do. Might be something as silly as marching around Jericho in circles. Or it might be as hard and as dangerous as helping the enemy, like Rahab did.”
“How do I know what God is saying? How do I know what He wants me to do?”
“God doesn’t change His mind. What has He already told you about the North and the South, about right and wrong? What do you feel in here, deep in your heart? What is the real battle God wants to fight?”
“Slavery. God hates slavery.” I didn’t even have to think about it. “He loves you the same as He loves me. He doesn’t see the color of our skin. It’s wrong for anyone to own another man.”
“Did He speak that to you from His Holy Word?”
“Yes,” I said in amazement. “Yes, He did. He said we should do away with the yoke of oppression and spend ourselves on behalf of the hungry and oppressed.”
“Then the only thing left to decide is whether you gonna be His servant and say ‘Here I am,’ and go do the job He give you to do—or not.”
I now knew what that job was. Robert had spoken the truth when he’d said that if the South won—if Charles won—then slavery would win, too.
“But what about Charles and Jonathan and Daddy?” I wasn’t sure if I was asking Eli or God.
“It’s a hard thing, Missy, but Jesus say sometimes a man’s enemies are in his own household. He say anyone who loves his family more than Him ain’t fit for the kingdom.”
“But Eli, I’m scared. I can’t just walk over to the Union lines and hand them this book, can I? I won’t even be able to get a travel permit out of Richmond unless I have a good reason for going. Besides, a man got caught spying for the North right here in Richmond a few months ago, and they hanged him.”
Eli didn’t reply at first. As I watched him pull himself to his feet and pace a few more steps, I recalled the verse Tessie had read—how Jesus was obedient even unto death. Queen Esther had said, “If I perish, I perish.” My father and Charles were willing to die for the cause they believed in. Was I?
“This ain’t something you can do on you own strength,” Eli finally said. “Any more than Joshua can make those walls of Jericho fall down all by his self. You either do this with God’s help or not at all. But once you make up you mind to trust Him, He gonna provide a way to get the job done. You’ll see.”
I lay awake praying for a long