Candle in the Darkness - Lynn N. Austin [14]
“Sure do, Missy. He born right here in this house, grew up here. Then he had to leave us and go on out to Hilltop.”
“What’s his name?”
“Josiah.” I heard the love in his voice as he spoke his son’s name. “Sometimes I recollect how he use to curl up on my lap like you and Grady, and my heart about breaks for missing him. That’s when I start praying to Jesus and asking Him take good care my boy. Make sure Josiah minds his massa so the overseer not beating him, and such like.”
“Does Jesus answer you, too . . . like the horses do?”
“I ain’t hearing Him in my ears, Missy, but I know He listening. And I know He gonna do something about what I asking.”
“How do you know that?”
Eli paused, poking at the fire with his rake. “Because after I finish talking to Massa Jesus, my heart empty of worry . . . and I feel better. It’s just like when I get to worrying about one of the horses that may be limping a little bit, or worry about something else belonging to Massa. If I take my worry to Massa Fletcher and tell him all I thinking about, he say, ‘Okay, I take care of it.’ And Massa Fletcher good as his word. He find out what ails that horse and see it gets taken care of. Now, if I just worry and don’t say nothing, horse still be limping. But if I turn everything over to the massa—all the things too big for me—I know he take care of them. They his horses, you see. He care about them even more than I do.”
I was confused, failing to see the connection. “What does that have to do with Jesus?”
“That’s what I about to tell you. Massa Jesus same way. This is His world. You and Josiah and Grady be His children. Anything I can’t fix, I take to Jesus. Then I don’t have to worry no more. Massa Jesus take care of it in His own time, His own way.”
I hopped down from the gate and kicked at the leaves with my toe. I longed to talk to him about Grady but I was afraid to. Then I remembered that Eli had mentioned Grady first, and I finally summoned my courage.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Sure, Missy Caroline.”
“Daddy said I need to forget about Grady. Esther said so, too. But I can’t forget him, Eli. I miss him so much.”
“Me too. He like a son to me.”
I looked up at Eli in surprise. “But . . . but Grady is your son, isn’t he?”
“No, I’m married to Esther, not Tessie.”
“Then who’s Grady’s daddy? Is it Gilbert?”
Eli’s thick gray brows met in the middle as he frowned. “This not a fit subject for Little Missy to be asking. That’s Tessie’s business, not you and mine.”
“But . . . but Grady has to have a father, doesn’t he? Everyone has to have a mother and a father.”
Eli turned away and resumed his raking. He looked more distressed than I’d ever seen him. I couldn’t understand why he was so afraid to answer a simple question. Grady and I had asked him much harder ones than this. “Why won’t you answer me, Eli?”
He stopped raking, his head bowed as he stared down at his feet. “Little Missy, you and me we talk about a lot of things. I always do my best by you, try and answer all your questions. But this here . . . this time . . . I ain’t having this conversation.”
“But why not?”
He looked frightened, desperate, glancing around in all directions as if someone might overhear us. “Never ask a slave who fathered her children,” he said in a harsh whisper. “They kill a gal if she tell.”
I didn’t believe him. It seemed preposterous. “Kill her? Why would they do that?” But Eli had turned away. He continued raking, as if he hadn’t heard my question.
A moment later Gilbert came outside through the rear door. I watched him walk toward us in his light, gliding step—like an empty ship sailing upriver. I wondered how old he was. Younger than Eli, certainly, but at least ten years older than Tessie. He saw me watching him and quickly looked down at the ground.
“Afternoon, Missy.” He tipped his hat in greeting, his eyes carefully averted. I wished he would smile so I could see if his grin resembled Grady’s—Grady almost always had a smile on his face. But I realized as Gilbert disappeared into the carriage house that I had never seen Daddy’s servant smile.