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By Root 669 0

have been replaced by Dairy Queens and outlet malls the size of small cities. In high season, the air is thick with the smell of coconut suntan oil and cigarettes and funnel cake. Teenagers run shrieking down the boardwalk, herds of grannies troll the year-round Christmas ornament shops, grizzled bikers in leather vests cause Harley traffic jams in the middle of downtown. Everywhere you look there’s a seafood buffet as long as a bowling alley, a tropical drink the color of kryptonite, a sign offering a free hermit crab with every purchase. Lose your highbrow tendencies and you’re bound to have a blast.

The town is easy to navigate. Kings Hwy, also known as Business 17, is the main drag, running straight through downtown parallel to the beach. Though it hardly seems like the main attraction, the beach itself is lovely - wide, white and dotted with a rainbow of umbrellas. Snag a metered parking spot and head straight for the sand for an afternoon of reading cheap romance novels and floating in the warm Gulf Stream waters.

Drowsy from the sun, revive yourself with a brisk game of mini-golf, the quintessential Myrtle Beach activity. The city bills itself as the “Mini-Golf Capital of America,” with a pirate-, jungle- or dinosaur-themed course every half block. Dragon’s Lair Fantasy Golf, at the 350-acre Broadway at the Beach shopping and entertainment complex, features an animatronic fire-breathing dragon. Afterwards browse the 100-plus outlet stores, grab a bucket-sized margarita, ride the carousel, sing karaoke or catch an IMAX flick, all without leaving the premises. Toss some pellets from the coin-operated fish food machines into the artificial river, and watch an army of chubby carp churn up a froth of white water and fins.

The evening spectacular at Dolly Parton’s Dixie Stampede has been known to cause glitter-related blindness. A thousand audience members dine on chicken and biscuits in an indoor arena as they watch the multi-act extravaganza on the stage floor. See stampeding buffalo, men riding ostriches, piglets dressed in red, white and blue, Southern belles “flying” from piano wires. There’s simply nothing quite like it (except the other two locations, in Pigeon Forge, TN, and Branson, MO).

For nightlife without the wet T-shirt contests and Jell-O shots, backtrack a bit to the nearby town of North Myrtle Beach, home of the shag. The dance, that is. A type of swing dance set to easygoing 1950s R&B, the shag was born here around World War II and remains massively popular. Take a free lesson on Tuesday night at Fat Harold’s Beach Club, where the spirited shaggers know all the moves - many of them have been coming here for decades. Get ready to shimmy amidst a bevy of beehived, Tom Collins-toting retirees.

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“During our teenage years many of the guys and gals found summer jobs on the beaches along the eastern coast from Virginia Beach to the Carolinas: as lifeguards, working the hot dog stands, whatever they could find. These ‘beach bums’ didn’t like the fast, jerky, jumping moves of the jitterbug and started doing the dance in a cool, slow, sexy manner. The shag is a smooth, sexy version of the old jitterbug.”

Ellen Taylor, shag instructor, Myrtle Beach, SC

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Sleep in the heart of it all at the enormous Landmark Resort, featuring its own tiki-themed water park and modern, rather tasteful rooms and efficiencies with kitchenettes. A full menu of activities, from beach kickball to tie-dying, give the place a summer-camp vibe. In the morning, grab coffee and a doughnut at one of the approximately 30,000 doughnut shops lining Kings Hwy (some are open 24 hours; you’ve got to love that).

Myrtle Beach Water Sports rents jet skis and pontoon boats for cruising the warm agate seas. A parasailing trip will put a smile on the most cynical of faces. Strap into the hanging seats and feel yourself lifted by the wind in your parachute, high enough above the waves to practically see into the hotel penthouse windows.

Continue the fun at Family Kingdom, an amusement and water park. Old-fashioned rides