Cat O'Nine Tales and Other Stories - Jeffrey Archer [70]
“Conjugal visits?”
“Well, whatever, it’s sex, and we don’t allow it. Mind you, a screw will turn a blind eye—when a con puts his hand up a tart’s skirt, but then I remember in one prison—”
“Pete,” I reminded him.
“Oh, yeah, Pete. Well, Karen came to visit Pete the following Saturday. All’s going well until Pete asks about his best mate, Brian. Karen clams up, doesn’t say a word does she, then turns bright red. Pete susses straight away what she’s been up to: tart, having it off with his best mate while he’s inside. She lit his short fuse, didn’t she? So Pete jumps up and puts one on her. Karen goes arse over tits, and lands up flat on the floor. The alarm goes off and screws come running through every door. They had to pull him off Karen and drag him away to segregation. Ever been to segregation, Jeff?”
“No, can’t say I have.”
“Well, don’t bother. Diabolical liberty. Bare cell, mattress on the floor, steel basin screwed into the wall and a steel bog what don’t flush. Next day Pete’s put on report, and comes up in front of the governor, who, you have to remember, is God Almighty. He don’t need no judge or jury to help him decide if you’re guilty—Home Office regulations are quite enough.”
“So what happened to Pete?”
“Sent back to closed conditions, wasn’t he? Shipped off to Lincoln prison the same day, with another three months added to his sentence. Some cons, when they’re sent back to a closed nick, lose their rag, start breaking the place up, taking drugs, setting their cell on fire, so they never get out. I was banged up with a muppet in Liverpool once. Started off with a three-year sentence and he’s still there—eleven years later. Last time he came up in front of the governor for—”
“Pete,” I said, trying not to sound exasperated.
“Oh, yeah, Pete. Well, Pete goes the other way.”
“The other way?”
“Good as gold all the time he’s banged up at Lincoln. Three months later he’s back enhanced, with all his privileges restored. Gets a job in the kitchen, works like a slave, six months later he puts in a request for a visit and it’s granted, with the exception of one Karen Slater. But he never wanted to see that whore again anyway No, this time Pete applied for a visit from one of his old mates who was on the out at the time. Now this mate confirms that Brian is not only having it off with Karen, but now that Pete’s safely banged up in Lincoln she’s moved in with him. What a diabolical liberty,” said Mick. “Pete’s mate even asked if he wanted Brian done over. ‘No, don’t go down that road,’ Pete told him. ‘I’ll be taking care of him myself, all in good time.’ He never went into no detail of what he had in mind, on account of the fact that in the end someone always opens their mouth. Must be the same in politics, Jeff.”
“Pete.”
“Well, Pete goes on being as good as gold. Cleanest pad, working all hours, never swearing at no screws, never on report. Result? Twelve months later he’s back at Hollesley Bay open prison, with only nine months left to serve.”
“And once he was back at Hollesley Bay, did he try to contact Karen?”
“No, didn’t put in a request for a visit. In fact, never even mentioned her name.”
“So what was his game?” I asked, slipping into the prison jargon.
“He only had one game all along, Jeff: he wanted to get himself transferred to the enhancement block, on the other side of the prison, didn’t he.”
“I’ve lost you,” I admitted.
“All part of his master plan, wasn’t it? When you first arrive at Hollesley Bay, which, don’t forget, is an open nick, you’re allocated a room in one of the two main blocks.”
“Are you?”
“Yeah, north and south block. But if you get enhanced—another three more months of behaving like a saint—then they move you across to the enhancement block, which