Catch-22 - Heller, Joseph [228]
‘What kind of deal?’ Yossarian demanded with defiant mistrust.
Colonel Korn tossed his head back and laughed. ‘Oh, a thoroughly despicable deal, make no mistake about that. It’s absolutely revolting. But you’ll accept it quickly enough.’
‘Don’t be too sure.’
‘I haven’t the slightest doubt you will, even though it stinks to high heaven. Oh, by the way. You haven’t told any of the men you’ve refused to fly more missions, have you?’
‘No, sir,’ Yossarian answered promptly.
Colonel Korn nodded approvingly. ‘That’s good. I like the way you lie. You’ll go far in this world if you ever acquire some decent ambition.’
‘Doesn’t he know there’s a war going on?’ Colonel Cathcart yelled out suddenly, and blew with vigorous disbelief into the open end of his cigarette holder.
‘I’m quite sure he does,’ Colonel Korn replied acidly, ‘since you brought that identical point to his attention just a moment ago.’ Colonel Korn frowned wearily for Yossarian’s benefit, his eyes twinkling swarthily with sly and daring scorn. Gripping the edge of Colonel Cathcart’s desk with both hands, he lifted his flaccid haunches far back on the corner to sit with both short legs dangling freely. His shoes kicked lightly against the yellow oak wood, his sludge-brown socks, garterless, collapsed in sagging circles below ankles that were surprisingly small and white. ‘You know, Yossarian,’ he mused affably in a manner of casual reflection that seemed both derisive and sincere, ‘I really do admire you a bit. You’re an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I’m an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I’m in an ideal position to appreciate it.’
‘These are very critical times,’ Colonel Cathcart asserted petulantly from a far corner of the office, paying no attention to Colonel Korn.
‘Very critical times indeed,’ Colonel Korn agreed with a placid nod. ‘We’ve just had a change of command above, and we can’t afford a situation that might put us in a bad light with either General Scheisskopf or General Peckem. Isn’t that what you mean, Colonel?’
‘Hasn’t he got any patriotism?’
‘Won’t you fight for your country?’ Colonel Korn demanded, emulating Colonel Cathcart’s harsh, self-righteous tone. ‘Won’t you give up your life for Colonel Cathcart and me?’ Yossarian tensed with alert astonishment when he heard Colonel Korn’s concluding words. ‘What’s that?’ he exclaimed. ‘What have you and Colonel Cathcart got to do with my country? You’re not the same.’
‘How can you separate us?’ Colonel Korn inquired with ironical tranquillity.
‘That’s right,’ Colonel Cathcart cried emphatically. ‘You’re either for us or against us. There’s no two ways about it.’
‘I’m afraid he’s got you,’ added Colonel Korn. ‘You’re either for us or against your country. It’s as simple as that.’
‘Oh, no, Colonel. I don’t buy that.’ Colonel Korn was unrufed. ‘Neither do I, frankly, but everyone else will. So there you are.’
‘You’re a disgrace to your uniform!’ Colonel Cathcart declared with blustering
wrath, whirling to confront Yossarian for the first time. ‘I’d like to know how you ever got to be a captain, anyway.’
‘You promoted him,’ Colonel Korn reminded sweetly, stifling a snicker. ‘Don’t you remember?’
‘Well, I never should have done it.’
‘I told you not to do it,’ Colonel Korn said. ‘But you just wouldn’t listen to me.’
‘Gee whiz, will you stop rubbing it in?’ Colonel Cathcart cried. He furrowed his brow and glowered at Colonel Korn through eyes narrow with suspicion, his fists clenched on his hips. ‘Say, whose side are you on, anyway?’
‘Your side, Colonel. What other side could I be on?’
‘Then stop picking on me, will you? Get off my back, will you?’
‘I’m on your side, Colonel. I’m just loaded with patriotism.’
‘Well, just make sure you don’t forget that.’ Colonel Cathcart turned away grudgingly after another moment,