Cerulean Sins - Laurell K. Hamilton [118]
I wrapped my mouth close and closer to the base of him and grazed my teeth ever so lightly there. There, the base of all of him, so that to bite too hard would take it all. I knew what an act of trust this was for him. I bit just hard enough to make him cry out, then pulled gently against his body, using mostly lips for pressure.
I let his balls slip out and sucked the rest of him back in my mouth hard and fast, pulling harder than I should have, sucking him as hard and fast as I wanted, no control now, no waiting, just the feel of him rolling in and out of my mouth, as I pulled on him.
He screamed my name, half pleasure, half pain, and the ardeur burst over both of us. The heat spread upward through me, and I felt it spread, thrust itself into Jean-Claude. So hot, so hot, so very hot, as if the water around us should boil. I had enough left of me somewhere in all that to let go of him with my mouth, so I didn’t get too carried away. I convulsed against his legs, my nails digging into his butt, hips, thighs, as he rocked above me, and fought to keep his feet.
He finally half-sat, half-collapsed to the edge of the tub and sat there, propped on his arms, breathing too hard, and that he was breathing at all meant he’d fed his ardeur, as I’d fed off of him. Sometimes it was just an exchange of energy, sometimes it was a true feeding.
I climbed out of the tub enough to sit beside him, but didn’t touch him. Sometimes right after the ardeur had been fed, touching of any kind could reignite it, especially between people who both held the ardeur. So it had been between Jean-Claude and Belle, so it was sometimes between us.
His eyes were still solid blue, like midnight skies when the stars have drowned. His voice was breathy, when he said, “You are getting better at feeding the ardeur without true orgasm, ma petite.”
“I have a good teacher.”
He smiled the smile a man gives a woman when they’ve just finished such things, and it isn’t the first time they’ve done them, and it won’t be the last. “An apt pupil, as they say.”
I looked at him, and he was pale alabaster with that black, black hair, those blue eyes. The folds and hollows of his body exposed to the overhead lights were as beautiful and familiar to me as a favorite path that I could walk forever and never tire of.
I stared at Jean-Claude, and it wasn’t the beauty of him that made me love him, it was just—him. It was a love made up of a thousand touches, a million conversations, a trillion shared looks. A love made up of danger shared, enemies conquered, a determination to keep the people that depended on us safe at almost any cost, and a certain knowledge that neither of us would change the other, even if we could. I loved Jean-Claude, all of him, because if I took away the Machiavellian plottings, the labyrinth of his mind, it would lessen him, make him someone else.
I sat on the edge of the tub with my jeans and jogging shoes soaking in the water, looking at him laugh, watching his eyes bleed back to human, and I wanted him, not for sex, though that was in there, but for everything.
“You look serious, ma petite, what are you thinking about so solemn-faced?”
“You,” I said, voice soft.
“Why should that make you look so solemn?” The humor began to leak away from his face, and I knew without being a hundred percent sure that he was thinking I was about to run away again. He’d probably been worried about that from the moment I shared a bed with him and Asher. I usually ran after I’d made some big breakthrough. Or would that be breakdown?
“A surprisingly wise friend told me that I hold back some part of myself from all the men in my life. He said that I do it to keep myself safe, to keep myself from being consumed by love.”
Jean-Claude’s face had gone very careful, as if he were afraid for me to read his expression.
“I wanted to argue, but I couldn