Cerulean Sins - Laurell K. Hamilton [123]
I walked towards him. “No, no, you have to give me some time to think about what you did. It’s not fair to walk off like this.” I was almost to him when he whirled around, and the rage on his face stopped me like I’d hit a wall.
“Fair! What is fair in being offered everything you ever wanted and thought never to have again, only to have it torn from your grasp? Torn from your grasp because you did exactly what you were told you could do, what was asked of you.” He didn’t yell, but his anger filled his voice, so every word was like a red-hot poker flung at my face.
I didn’t know what to say in the face of that anger.
“I will not, cannot, stay and watch you and Jean-Claude. I would rather be without the sight of either of you then so very close, but cast from your bed, your arms, your affections.” He covered his face with his hands and gave a low scream. “To be with us as our lover is to be seduced by our powers.” He tore his hands away from his face and let me see his eyes drowning blue, his anger making up for the lack of blood. “I had never dreamed that Jean-Claude had not done so.” He looked at the other man, still sitting on the edge of the bed. “How could you be with her for so long and resist the temptation?”
“She is most adamantly against such things,” Jean-Claude said. “At least you have had her willing blood, I have never been so blessed.”
Asher frowned, and it sat badly on that lovely face, like an angel frowning. “That astounds me still, though I knew that. But she has bestowed her charms upon you, and now I will never know them.”
This was all happening way too fast for me. “Jean-Claude understands the rules, and we both live by them.” Of course, I’d been just about ready to change the rules, but I didn’t think Asher needed to know right now.
Asher shook his head, sending that foam of gold hair gliding over his shoulders. “Even if I understood the rules, Anita, I could not abide by them.”
That made me frown. “What do you mean?”
“Anita, we aren’t human, no matter how much some of us pretend. But not all of what we are is bad. You have entered our world, but you deny yourself the best of us, while only seeing the worst. But most horrible of all, you deny Jean-Claude the best of his own world.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He is celibate save for you, but he does not pleasure himself fully with you, or anyone else.” He made a gesture that I didn’t understand. “I see that look upon your face, Anita, that American look. Sex is not just intercourse, or even just orgasm, and that is especially true for us.”
“Why, because you’re French?”
He gave me such a serious look that my attempt at humor died in my chest like a cold weight. “We are vampires, Anita. More than that, we are Master Vampires of Belle Morte’s line. We can give you pleasure that no other can give, and we can take pleasure as no other can experience it. By agreeing to limit himself, Jean-Claude has denied himself a great deal of what makes this existence bearable, even enjoyable.”
I looked at Jean-Claude. “How much have you been holding back?”
He wouldn’t meet my gaze.
“How much, Jean-Claude?”
“I cannot make my bite true pleasure as Asher can. I cannot roll your mind completely as he can.” He still wouldn’t look at me.
“That’s not what I asked.”
He sighed. “There are things that I can do that you have not seen. I have tried to abide by your wishes in all things.”
“Well, I will not,” Asher said.
We both looked at him.
“Anita will always find some reason to keep her from openly taking both of us. She cannot even allow her one vampire lover to truly be vampire. How could she possibly endure the full touch of two of them?”
“Asher,” I said, but didn’t know what else to say, all I knew was that my chest hurt, and it was hard to breathe.
“No, you will always find something in your men that