Cerulean Sins - Laurell K. Hamilton [152]
Asher walked to stand at the far end of the room beside the false fireplace. It was hard to see in the dimness, but tonight someone had put two tapered candles on the mantel piece, each encased in crystal, so they glimmered like jewels. Asher’s hair sparkled in the uncertain light. He put one hand on the mantel, his head down to stare at the cold hearth, as if the new fire screen Jean-Claude had added was très fascinating. The fire screen was a huge antique fan encased in glass. The colors were vibrant reds, greens, a brilliant spray of flowers and delicate lace. It was pretty, but not that pretty.
I looked at Jean-Claude for some clue, and he merely motioned me to follow Asher across the room. When I just stood there, Jean-Claude took my hand and led me over to the other man.
Asher must have heard us coming, because he said, “I was very angry with you, Anita, very angry. So angry I did not think you might have just cause to be angry with me.”
Jean-Claude squeezed my hand as if to tell me not to interrupt, but I seemed to be ahead on the discussion, so I hadn’t planned to say a word. Never interrupt when you’re winning.
“Jason told us how ill you were after I took blood from you. If you were as ill as he has reported then you would naturally fear my embrace.” He looked up, suddenly, eyes wide and almost wild, lost in the glow of his hair and the flickering candlelight. “I would not have hurt you. It has never been so . . .” he seemed to be searching for a word, “terrible for any of my other,” again he hesitated, “victims.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, because I agreed with part of what he’d said. I felt that he’d made me a victim of his powers, by not asking first. But whether I’d been aware of it, or not, somewhere in the back of my mind I must have been thinking about the problem all damn day, because I knew one thing for certain. I wasn’t completely in the right, either. Damn it.
I let go of Jean-Claude’s hand, because the feel of his skin against mine made it harder to concentrate right now.
“I can see where you might have gotten the idea that I understood what sharing blood with you would mean. I did ask you to bite me, I did offer to feed you, and you were right, I did know that your bite could overwhelm my natural defenses.” It was my turn to look down at the pretty fire screen that would never know the touch of flame. “I just was so out of my head with,” I almost couldn’t say it, “desire that I wasn’t thinking clearly. But that wasn’t your fault. You could only go with what I said out loud.”
I looked up, met those eyes. “Oh, hell, Asher, even if you could have read my mind at that moment I wanted you to take me, whatever that meant. There were no rules or stop signs in my head.” I let out a long breath, and it shivered, because I was afraid of this, afraid of admitting it out loud, afraid of it all. I was afraid of being consumed by desire or love or whatever the hell you want to call it. “I wanted you to take me while Jean-Claude made love to me. I wanted us all to be together as of old.”
“It is not of old for you, Anita,” Asher said. He looked past me at Jean-Claude. “See, it is as we feared, she is besotted with me through your memories. It is not real what she feels for me. With my powers of fascination or without them, it is not real.”
“That sounds like what I’ve been saying, Asher,” I said. “That because you mind-fucked me I’ll never know if what I feel for you is real. But I can tell you this, what I felt for you before, that was real. It isn’t you before the holy water that I think of, it’s you now, just as you are.”
He shook his head and looked away, making his hair a barrier between us, so I couldn’t see his face. “But I did use my powers to fascinate you, as a snake fascinates a bird. I captured your mind, and I meant to do it.”
I touched his hair, and he jerked away from me, moved down the mantel out of reach. I didn’t try and follow. I took in a lot of air and blew it slowly out. I’d have rather faced a dozen bad guys than this next bit of conversation.
“In your defense, I think