Chasing the Night - Iris Johansen [128]
Her child.
Be my child, Luke. If only for a little while, be my child.
She was sitting on a Knoll overlooking the lake, her arms linked loosely about her knees, when Luke climbed onto the bank.
He gazed at her without speaking, then started to dress.
Don’t look at his back. Kelly was right, she wouldn’t be able to keep control if she did.
His clothes were clinging to his wet body, and she wanted to hold him close to ward off the cold.
She didn’t move. He would not accept that intimacy from her.
And he didn’t seem to feel the cold. Another sign of the toughness that he’d had to develop to survive. That hurt her, too.
“Did the water feel good?”
He nodded.
“Who taught you to swim?”
“Mikhal threw me in the lake when I was little. I was scared, but he kept throwing me in until I learned how to keep from drowning. Later, I found some stuff in one of the books that helped.”
His books, again.
He stood looking at her for a moment, then sat down beside her. “Where’s Kelly?”
“She was chilly. She went to the house. She said since she’d spent so much time in South America that she felt the cold.”
“She told me that her father was killed there.” He was looking out at the lake. “She said that’s where you saved her life. She’s angry with me for not feeling about you the way she does.”
“Kelly is very protective. I’ve tried to talk her out of it, but she thinks she owes me something.”
He frowned. “I’ve never felt like that toward anyone.”
How could he? No one had ever tried to protect Luke from anything. He’d had to protect himself from them. Now he was entering a new world, where everything was different. “Don’t worry about it.”
He ignored her words. “I was thinking that maybe I owe you something, too.”
“Because I’m your mother?”
He shook his head. “Because you killed Rakovac.”
Short, brutal, devoid of sentiment. It was what she had to expect from Luke from now on. It was hard to realize that, when she had held that image of a sunny two-year-old in her heart all these years. “You don’t owe me anything for getting rid of Rakovac. I did it because I couldn’t do anything else, Luke.”
“But it was because of me.” He seemed to be trying to work it out. “Kelly said you risked your life for me.”
“Purely selfish. I couldn’t go on unless I found you and tried to make things right.”
He was silent. “I don’t understand.”
“You will someday.”
“If I went with you to this Hong Kong, would that be paying you back?”
She wanted to tell him yes. It was her chance to grab at the brass ring of opportunity. She couldn’t do it. “No, don’t come for that reason. Only come if it’s what you want, if you think it’s worth giving us a chance together.”
He was gazing at her with those huge black eyes that held so many shades of emotion; ferocity, curiosity, wariness. It was like looking in a mirror of herself as a child.
No joy. The joyous wonder that had been such a part of him had vanished.
Please God, let her find a way of bringing that joy to the surface again.
“When are you leaving?” he asked.
“In a few hours. I’m going to hop a ride on the helicopter Venable arranged to take him back to Moscow. Then I’ll take a plane to Hong Kong. Have you ever ridden on a helicopter?”
“No, I’ve seen them. Mikhal always took me in a truck whenever we left here. He always had weapons and didn’t want to be noticed.”
“I can see why.” She paused. “Eve asked me to let you come to her. If you don’t want to be with me, will you go to her?”
“Maybe.”
She got to her feet. “It would please me very much if you would. I know you don’t care what a stranger thinks, but I just want you to know.” She forced a smile. “Now why don’t we go and find a change of clothes for you. You may not be cold, but I’m shivering just looking at you.”
He nodded absently. “I’ll change.” He didn’t move. “Soon.”
He wasn’t going with her back to the house. Perhaps he’d had enough of her. She didn’t know what he was thinking or how he’d react to anything, she thought in frustration. “Then I’ll say good-bye to you later.” She started up the hill. The long grasses were stirring in