Choosing to SEE - Mary Beth Chapman [101]
Perfect forever . . . but that’s there . . . in heaven. Here on earth, this side of the ever-so-thin veil, it is pretty crappy! No sense hiding it: I’ve spent a lot of time yelling at God, yelling at myself, yelling to hear myself yell! Wanting so badly for the God who I believe in wholeheartedly to yell back all the answers I long to know . . . which leaves me yearning for the day when all yelling ceases and every question I had will be answered . . . even the questions that I yelled at God! Good news for a loudmouth like me who wants to know and know now!
C:
Caleb and Will Franklin: Are opening for Casting Crowns this spring. The tour is forty cities long. This mom is so proud she can’t even stand herself.
With the tragic story God has given Will and Caleb to steward, this is a great place for them to be. Check out www.calebchapman.com for more info!
Can you tell I’m just a tad bit excited for my boys? God is good!
H:
Healing, hoping, and hard have been the themes for all of 2009. A lot of people think that the first year of grieving is the hardest. I’m sure that is true for so many. But for me personally, it’s been the second year that has been by far the hardest.
It’s as if I am thawing out, waking from a deep freeze, coming back from some out-of-body experience. I am literally missing huge chunks of time, and this year, 2009, has me feeling as though I am experiencing some of the “firsts” without Maria, when in reality they are the “seconds.”
It just hurts a little more without the numbing effects of adrenaline and denial . . . those places where our minds take us in those unpredictable, panicked moments when all of a sudden we think we can actually go back and change something to make the outcome different . . . and then we realize, “Wait, it’s been a year and a half . . . she is not coming back.”
We will see her again, and we will spend more time with her than we did without her, but this has been the journey that no one would have signed up for.
Good thing for me that hope is also in the letter H today. Without that simple word, it would all be a crock! But I have this hope in heaven, in Christ, in the cross, that we will win this battle before us.
R:
Riding a bike! The big news of the year! Yes, Stevey Joy is seven. Yes, maybe she should have learned a little earlier, but she only weighs 38 pounds at seven years old! I think that was a big part of the problem: she was too light to hold herself up!
But finally, on an warm, fall day, it happened. The wobbles stopped, and the brakes worked when they were supposed to and didn’t throw her over the handlebars, and she could turn and come back without going straight forever and ever! The smile was priceless.
Dad, Mom, and Shaoey all witnessed this groundbreaking event live . . . from the driveway. Another day for Mom to wonder if Maria would have learned sooner (she was a little heavier and gutsier) or later (she was the baby of the family). And while I was so proud of Stevey Joy . . . the tears fell as if something was still so terribly wrong!
It sure seemed like there should have been two princess bikes outside trying to keep from crashing into each other. Maria would have totally been into demolition derby type of bike riding . . . as a matter of fact, she may have had a Cars bike from the boy section of Wal-Mart!
I:
Into the studio Steven went and out he came . . . a very difficult process later . . . with his new project Beauty Will Rise. Steven says that they are more of his psalms rather than songs, the journal of his heart as he worked through the grieving of Maria.
S:
Stevey and Shaoey both are currently taking gymnastics and playing basketball . . . along with Stevey doing dance and both girls attempting to keep up with piano and voice!
That makes me tired just typing it.
Stevey is a very gifted gymnast and dancer, while Shaoey loves to flip and flop and make some mean defense happen on the basketball team.
Willy Frank has signed on to help out