Choosing to SEE - Mary Beth Chapman [19]
Much to our surprise, the bank gave us the loan based on this forecasted income and our character. This was a huge compliment to Steven, demonstrating how hard he was working and how much promise he was showing to the companies that had invested in him.
Once we got settled in our little nest, I loved the routines I established. I did laundry on certain days, went to the grocery on certain days, did my cleaning on certain days, worked to promote Steven on certain days . . . it was wonderful.
The structure gave me a false sense of control that would not hold once our dreams eventually started coming true. As our family grew and Steven’s success took off like a rocket, the wheels started coming off this nice illusion. So, ironically, even as everything in our lives would be spiraling up, my state of mind would spiral down.
But I’m getting a little ahead of my story.
7 “Ladies and Gentlemen,
Please Welcome . . . Caleb!”
The father of a righteous man has great joy;
he who has a wise son delights in him.
May your father and mother be glad;
may she who gave you birth rejoice!
My son, give me your heart
and let your eyes keep to my ways.
Proverbs 23:24–26
On the days I had designated as “office” days, I would sit on the end of our bed as my chair. My desk was a piece of linoleum stapled to a rough old gardening table given to us by Steven’s Grandpa Rudd. I’d contact churches to ask – well, beg – for them to have Steven for a concert, saying I was calling from “the office of Steven Curtis Chapman.” And for all they knew, we were a pretty slick operation.
Steven’s first record – yes, it was released in vinyl – came out in May of ’87. It was called First Hand. His song “Weak Days” went to number two on the Contemporary Christian Music chart. We were optimistic that his career might be taking off.
Since Emily came bounding into our lives when we were still babies ourselves, we had a brilliant idea. Since we were so young, we should just go ahead and have our children now, so that later down the road we would be hip, young grandparents.
We didn’t have Peso the pill eater any longer . . . but even so, we were pregnant pretty quickly. We were thrilled.
But while visiting my family in Ohio, I had a miscarriage. It was scary and sad . . . not what I would ever want to be part of my story.
I had to have an ultrasound to check things out. They wouldn’t let Steven be with me, and as she was looking at the screen, the technician said, “I can’t tell you were ever even pregnant!”
I’m sure she didn’t mean to be cruel, but I sobbed, wanting so badly to have Steven by my side. We were twelve weeks along . . . and we believe that we indeed have a child in heaven, waiting to meet us there one day.
We eventually started trying again to get pregnant. This time I wasn’t going to leave anything to chance. I went to the pharmacy and bought an ovulation predictor kit. I had to wait until my cycle was at a certain point and then start testing my urine to see when it would be optimal ovulation time.
Well, I arrived at that time . . . and Steven was out of town doing a concert nine hundred miles away.
I was all business. I called my husband and calmly informed him that it would be a wise decision to come home, now! He sensed the urgency but also knew that the kit predicted ovulation for up to seventy-two hours.
“Am I supposed to walk out on stage and tell my audience that I have to go home because you’re ovulating?” he asked.
“Yes!” I said.
He didn’t . . . but I was waiting at the airport when he came home, along with some close friends. They had offered to take Emily for us while we spent the evening, well, making up for lost time.
So, back to Home Sweet Home we went, knelt at the foot of our bed, and asked God to bless us with another child.
And nine months later, on October 2, 1989, Caleb Stevenson (Steven’s son, get it?) Chapman was born.
8
I Will Be Here
Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I, I will be here
If in the