Choosing to SEE - Mary Beth Chapman [2]
I must also say a heartfelt thank you to the wonderfully gifted Ellen Vaughn for taking the journey alongside Mary Beth in the writing process. Her skillful pen and tender heart have been vital to making this book a reality.
I was reading a book recently by our dear friend Dan Allender. He talked about how for many Christians, sorrow and pain are seldom embraced by those experiencing it but rather “often denied or swept under the spiritual rug of ‘God’s sovereignty’ ” (The Healing Path, WaterBrook Press, 2000). Well, I can say that this book is written by someone who is deeply committed to not sweeping the pain or struggle under any such rug. While I know my wife to fully and desperately believe and trust in the sovereignty of God, I also know her – as you will come to know her in these pages – as one who is determined to be honest about the struggle. And I believe you will, along with me, be much richer for it.
Finally, I want to say that this book and the hours Mary Beth has given to create it are part of a “sacred trust” that our family believes we were given on May 21, 2008, when our Maria was carried to heaven in the arms of Jesus. While it is very intentionally not a book primarily about our loss or grief, it is out of deep desire to see our God turn for good what Satan meant for evil (Gen. 50:20) that my precious wife has been willing to retake the difficult journey in writing it. A tremendous price has been paid to create the book you hold in your hands . . . it is a treasure. As her husband, I’m proud beyond words of her courage. And I sincerely believe you will be, as I am, very grateful that Mary Beth has invited us into her journey as she is choosing to SEE.
Soli Deo Gloria.
May 2010
Prologue
Beth Moore
I’ve never been one to have meaningful dreams. Goodness knows it’s not from lack of trying. In the course of a forty-year relationship with God, I can’t think of many supernatural manifestations I knew He was capable of giving His children that I haven’t blatantly requested at one time or another. The way I saw it, what was the harm in asking? Couldn’t we all use some wonders from time to time? I figured God could always say no. And, by and large, He did. It became clear to me along the way, if not downright humorous, that God saw me in the category of people who were safer – both to themselves and others – sticking primarily with Scripture. That’s the way He most often reveals Himself to me. The Word has been my glorious wonder and an open Bible the center stage where I’ve watched Him perform and felt measures of His presence that were sometimes so strong, they were painful. Those are the moments I live for. I’ve heard other followers of Christ who seemed of sound mind and doctrine testify to experiences and giftings that I had no biblical grounds to deny. He just normally did things a different way with me.
He still does. But something out of the blue happened to me several months ago. Something exceptional. Something I knew instinctively didn’t even belong to me. I had a dream for somebody else. I was not a participant in the unfolding scene. I was only there to watch. In my dream, I was backstage at an event center behind the usual black curtains. I could hear and feel the crowd in the seating area and knew that the event, whatever it was, had not yet begun. I did not feel anxious in my dream, as if I were about to go onto the platform. I was carefree and calm, like someone only there to observe. The gray concrete floor backstage was just like those I’ve seen numerous times. Thick black cables were gaff-taped to the floor in bunches. Men wearing headphones were huddled over the soundboard. Somebody else was adjusting the lights.
That’s when I saw Mary Beth come around the corner. I instantly knew she was the one going onto that platform,