Choosing to SEE - Mary Beth Chapman [32]
Finally the time came to saddle up our horses and head to China. Emily had just turned fourteen, and she was beside herself with joy. We waited until she’d finished her performances in the school play – she was starring as Little Red Riding Hood – then packed up ten-year-old Caleb and his nine-year-old sidekick Will, and got ready to head to China.
I took a photo as we left our home to go to the airport. It was early in the foggy morning, and there were our three towheaded Chapman children, sleepy but full of excitement.
And so was I, but as I got on the airplane and flew halfway around the world to retrieve the sixth member of our family – certainly not towheaded – I was still afraid. I had no idea that God was going to do a miracle in China. It wasn’t just the wonder of adopting our daughter. It was a spiritual miracle inside of me, one that would begin to heal me of some of the guilt and shame I’d been carrying around since I was a teenager.
13
When Love Takes You In
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
John 14:18 ESV
God sets the lonely in families.
Psalm 68:6
Our friend and Steven’s road manager, David Trask, came along to help keep us all on time, organized, and sane. The plan was for us to meet our adoption guide and acclimate to the time change for a few days in Beijing while we saw sites like the Great Wall, the Forbidden City, and Tiananmen Square. Then we were to fly south to Changsha, capital of Hunan province, where little “doubly adorable” Chang Yan Yan would be brought, like the best room service ever, to our hotel room.
We had decided to call her Shaohannah. Shao for laughter, of course, and Hannah for the gift of God’s grace.
We were all weary but anxious. The kids and Steven were anxiously awaiting the arrival of the newest member of the family . . . while my anxiety was more the kind that made me want to run the other way.
Heavy fog in Beijing delayed our takeoff for five hours. I could barely keep my calm; I felt like the moment that everyone else was waiting for was relentlessly closing in on me.
We arrived in Changsha. Our guide called the orphanage people to tell them that we had finally arrived. She discovered that they had already traveled from the orphanage and were in the city, waiting for us because of our delay. They’d been there a few hours, and they had only brought one bottle of formula. They said they needed to get the baby to us as soon as possible . . . as a matter of fact, they were in the lobby and wanted to bring her up to our room right away.
Of course I had plenty of bottles, formula, and everything else. But things were accelerating way too quickly. I was about to come eye to eye with what had terrified me for the past year. I was getting ready to give birth, and I didn’t at all feel prepared. I didn’t even feel pregnant! I was scared to death. What was about to happen?
As we checked into our hotel, the staff was very professional. They were used to hosting American families, who stayed in this hotel all the time to do the very thing we were getting ready to do.
We had no more than entered our room when the phone rang and a voice informed us in broken English that the people were there with our baby and they wanted to bring her up to us right then, if that was alright. I didn’t have formula unpacked, nothing was settled or nested in our room. I was frantic.
My stomach was turning cartwheels, my hands were clammy, and my heart was racing. There was no backing out now. What had I been thinking? I didn’t even know this little person from China, and now she was being carried up the elevator, down the hall, straight toward my arms . . . and I didn’t feel prepared in the least!
“God,” I prayed, “please, I don’t even know what to say, but, HELPPPPPPP!”
Steven was looking at me, worried. I could see him thinking, She’sgonna completely flip