Choosing to SEE - Mary Beth Chapman [68]
When Steven’s call came, Matt was standing in line at the Atlanta airport, getting ready to board a flight back to the U.K. He walked away from his flight and drove to Franklin. He not only sang the worship songs, but also a song that he and Steven had written together just four months earlier to mourn the stillborn death of a friend’s baby. Now . . . sad, sweet irony . . . he would sing those words for our sweet Maria. When I heard that Matt was coming to be part of the service, I was overwhelmed by gratitude and grace. His was a true gift that I will never be able to repay.
At the same time we were experiencing God’s grace through our friends and the sweetness of the Holy Spirit’s presence, we were also just plain getting beat up by grief, sometimes when we least expected it.
At the Andersons’, someone brought us a bunch of yeast rolls from our favorite home cookin’ place, Barbara’s. As soon as Steven saw them, he flashed back to a night or two before the accident, when he had taken the little girls to eat at Barbara’s.
As I’ve said, Maria loved food, and she loved Barbara’s yeast rolls and homemade butter. She’d spread a thick layer of butter on a roll and then lick it off . . . then she’d spread more butter on the roll and lick that off . . . then she’d stick her finger in the pats of butter and lick that off. We’d always tell her to stop eating all that butter. It wasn’t good for her.
But now, as he looked at the rolls, Steven started to sob. “Why didn’t I just let her have all the butter she wanted?” he cried.
We both knew the answer to that. He was simply trying to parent her well. But the pain was so strange, so huge, set off by a thousand ordinary memories every time we turned around.
And we had only just begun our long, painful journey of grief.
Stevey Joy’s letter to Maria
I’m sad you had to leave & sad you left earth to go to heaven. Melissa misses you. Our Mommy & Daddy love you so much.
I want Jesus to take good care of my sister. Me & Maria played together a lot. Me and Maria talk about when we die & go to heaven & how our shells will have to be buried. I love you.
Have fun with Jesus, Maria!
Love, Sissy
Shaoey’s letter to Maria
Dear Jesus and Maria
I want you to know that Maria’s stuffed animals are going to be packed away and put in the attic. But we found your last flower picture and on the front you wrote “SEE” and a butterfly. Dad cryed because you are special to him and all of us. Enjoy Heaven. I will see you soon but not too soon. I will come to you. I hear the roads are made of gold and the throne of God waits for everyone who believes. When you see that I am coming wait for me at the gate and pray for Will he has been sobbing so has Mom and Dad. I hope I see you soon but not too soon.
Love,
Shaoey
Will’s letter to Maria
I Love you so much! I’m so sorry, and if I could go back in time I would change it so fast and I know I would have seen you. I’m sorry! How’s it going up there in Heaven? I bet it’s pretty unbelievable, and I just wish I could see the incredible smile on your face. I’m having a pretty stinkin hard time down here and it’s going to be so hard and miserable, but I know ur looking down on me with God and you guys are just smiling at me. I just wish I could see you one more time or just see you running around and flying around. You’re a big bundle of joy Maria, and I’m so sorry for not seeing you. Oh, Man, I’m gonna need your prayers in the many many years to come b/c its not going to be easy!, and I’m gonna need you Maria. I can’t do it without you. I can’t, I can’t, I CAN’T29
Will
27
Beauty Will Rise
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning
Beauty will rise
“Beauty Will Rise”
Words and music by
Steven Curtis Chapman
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord.
Job:1:21 ESV
Selections from the Memorial Service Transcript
Steven Curtis Chapman