Choosing to SEE - Mary Beth Chapman [73]
He leaned his head against mine, the pink baby blanket around his neck, and sobbed. I told him that I loved him, that I didn’t blame him, that this was a horrible accident, and that we were not only going to get through it, but that God was going to give each of us a different kind of story to steward well.
I hugged him like when he was a little boy, and I got a pretty sweet hug back. I knew the Holy Spirit had given us those sweet, private minutes together. We agreed to not let this tear us apart. We held hands and walked back to the white limousine.
The next day, in the very same sanctuary where we had held Maria’s memorial service, Caleb’s class had their graduation ceremony. It was beautiful and surreal all at once.
Caleb had gone to Christ Presbyterian Academy from kindergarten through eleventh grade. I had homeschooled him his senior year so he could play guitar on the road with his dad. His classmates really wanted him to be a part of the ceremony. They always have a musical guest, so the class voted that Caleb would perform for their ceremony. That way he’d get to be part of it.
Our whole family had come barefoot to Maria’s service. It was our way of honoring her and proclaiming that we were on holy ground. God was surely in the place where we honored Maria Sue Chunxi Chapman. We didn’t know until they walked in, but Caleb’s entire senior class came barefoot to honor our family, to honor Maria, and to pay deep respect to their beloved classmate, Caleb.
Before the accident, Caleb had been working on two songs that he would sing at his commencement. One was “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” from Toy Story; the other was a song that he was writing called “So Long.”
Caleb’s song was only half done when Maria’s tragedy struck us . . . and yet somehow, in the busy and grief-filled days between Wednesday night and Sunday morning, he finished writing his song. I couldn’t believe he still wanted to sing for his classmates.
But Caleb felt strongly about fulfilling his commitment, and somehow God gave him the grace and presence of mind to sing at his graduation. I watched my son and was filled with such a mixture of pride and wonder and grace. God was giving him what he needed, even in these early days after the tragedy, to be a faithful steward of Maria’s story.
Steven and I sat and listened to our son sing, tears running down our faces.
“So Long”
Words and music by
Caleb Chapman
Why have I waited for so long
To be singing you this song
I thought that time was all I had
I have so much left to say
But time has faded now
So take care, so long, goodbye
And if our paths don’t cross in this Life
In heaven it will be
Where there’s no pain, no death, just Life
Oh the day that that will be
So take care, so long, goodbye
29
The New Normal
I am waiting for the rescue
That I know is sure to come
’Cause You are faithful, yes, You are faithful
And I’ve dropped anchor in Your promises and I am holding on
’Cause You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, You are faithful
When You give and when You take away
Even then still Your name is faithful
You are faithful
And with everything inside of me
I am choosing to believe
You are faithful
“Faithful”
Words and music by Steven Curtis Chapman
Hope waits but does not sit. It strains with eager anticipation
to see what may be coming on the horizon. Hope does
not pacify; it does not make us docile and mediocre. Instead,
it draws us to greater risk and perseverance.
Dan Allender
Karen and Reggie had been planning to visit their daughter in Ireland but had delayed their travel plans because of the accident. After Maria’s memorial service, though, Steven and I insisted that our friends go ahead on their long-planned trip.
We stayed at the Andersons’ a few days after that, but then the day came . . . we knew we had to return home and face one of our scariest scenarios.
When we had been home the day after the accident to pick up some clothes and Steven found Maria’s artwork, we felt like God had given us a huge gift. We had chosen to