Choosing to SEE - Mary Beth Chapman [84]
February 20, 2009
One year ago today, Maria and I had this conversation:
Maria: “Does God really have a big, big house?”
Mom: “Yes, Maria.”
Maria: “Does it have lots and lots of rooms?”
Mom: “Yes, Maria.”
Maria: “Does God’s big, big house have a big, big table?”
Mom: “Yes, Maria, with lots and lots of food . . . and Maria, it also has a yard where you can play football!”
When I look back to that February morning, Maria was on a mission. I remember even questioning to myself whether she was too young to fully understand what was going on. She was only four years old at the time.
But when God took Maria to heaven just three months after that, February 20th, 2008, would become one of the most special days for our family to hold onto.
Don’t ever underestimate the faith of a child. I believe with all of my heart that Maria asking and being so determined was a gift of God . . . a preparation for three months later when my whole world would crumble and life would cease to exist in the way I knew it.
I can’t even begin to explain the suffering and hard places that this journey has found me in. But hear me say, with all the certainty in me, that Maria felt compelled that day to ask Jesus into her heart. Did she understand fully? As much as Christ asks us to understand.
We don’t have all the answers, but with childlike faith we can trust the one who says all through Scripture that He is the only One to trust with your life.
Thank you, little nutty Maria, for teaching Mommy that all you need is the faith of a mustard seed and it will grow into an eternity of sitting on the lap of the One who has the biggest table of food you can imagine . . .
Be blessed today as you put whatever amount of faith you can muster into the hands of the One who holds it all . . . including my little girl, Maria Sue Chunxi Chapman . . . the silliest goober I know (I miss you my little sweet pea).
February 21, 2009
I really love the support that I’ve received from you all as I have begun to wander back into the blog world. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers. I really try to be honest and open, and as it relates to Maria it continues to be a very cautious place. We hurt . . . deeply . . . we are being held by the One who holds Maria, we believe that. At the same time I cry out to our Father . . . help my unbelief.
Will continues to allow God to work, and the twinkle has been spotted back in his eyes some. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU from the bottom of this mama’s heart for holding him in your prayers. He is an amazing young man, and he is simply a hero in my book. The pain of a broken heart is at times unbearable to watch, but then God smiles on us and allows us a glimpse of what He is up to.
It is a long and at times dark road . . . but the lamp of our faith is lit and we are journeying through it. God bless you all for being on the journey with us. Please don’t stop praying.
February 24, 2009
Today is Emily’s birthday. Yep, twenty-three years ago today, little Emily Elizabeth came into our life, forever changing it for good, but we had no idea how this little wrinkled bundle of jaundice would impact the lives of so many children and families . . . ours at the top of the list! Happy Birthday, Emily38! We love you so very much.
On a day when Mom is having a hard time holding it all together, I am thrilled that your life is being celebrated today. I am so proud of the woman you have become . . . and I love the husband that God sent to you.
March 11, 2009
I feel the need to explain my week last week so that my friends here will know how better to pray for me. About a week and a half ago, I completely came to the end of myself. I was teary . . . OK, I was just plain a puddle . . . lots of tears that kept coming. A lot of anger was just crawling all through me. I just couldn’t figure