Choosing to SEE - Mary Beth Chapman [86]
March 16, 2009
We are in our friend’s condo about five miles down from Disney . . . where we spent four spring breaks, all of them with Maria.
I took a long (probably not long enough) walk on the beach and I cried out to God – Why? What now? How? What?
Here is some of what I heard:
Why? “Because I am God and I know all and am in control and know what is best. Even though it looks like a mess . . . it is My mess.”
What now? “I am God . . . keep walking and keep trusting . . . love well the ones still in your charge and care . . . realize that time is short, life is hard, but I’ve given you so much, do not squander it!”
How? “By remembering that I am God and your trust has to rely completely on Me . . . no striving of your own will to fix, heal, cure, help, calm any of what you see as mess. I allow what I allow for reasons you can’t even comprehend . . . rest. You won’t figure this out, but He who holds Maria holds you.”
What? “Realizing I am God, do the next thing. Tell people of My amazing faithfulness, love your family and friends well . . . rest! It is okay to take the time you need for you. Make changes if you need to. Life on earth is short. I am coming to get you – soon!”
When I was on the beach crying and in a very scattered way asking God these questions above, I cried out loud with tears streaming down my face, “God, can I just hear you audibly? About all of this?”
As I was praying, tears streaming, eyes closed, waves and birds in a rhythm in the far-off background, all of a sudden – SMACK! – the loudest wave I’d heard all day, to the point where I jumped and it startled me. At once I heard God . . .
“Hello, look at this ocean that I breathed and the waves that roll, but not too far, for it is My hand that keeps them off the shore.
“Hello, do I not know how many grains of sand there are, and the number of hairs on sweet Maria’s head? I put this bright sun and this cloudless morning in place and will bring the storms in as well. I do not need to speak, for I already have and you have not only heard Me, you have seen me and my power at work. If I control all of this, then I was here May 21, 2008.
“It hurts, but I am all you need. I am sufficient and I am God! Trust Me.”
Looking back at my journals from this time, I can see that God helped me know truth, even when I didn’t feel it. And I kept writing to Maria . . .
March 18, 2009
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
John 10:10 ESV
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33 ESV
Steal. The Enemy showed up and, by hurting Maria, took a swing and tried to steal our beliefs, faith, trust, and hope in the One who came to give life abundantly and overcame the world on the cross.
Kill. The Enemy came to kill Maria, and by the world’s standards he did. But Jesus came to give her abundant life in heaven. We can have peace that our tribulation is evidence that peace can come from the One who ultimately overcomes the world. Maria is alive in heaven.
Destroy. The Thief came to destroy Will Franklin . . . but Jesus gave Will life abundantly. Yes, in this world he will have the tribulation, but Jesus came to give peace in this world and to Will. Will has felt this peace and knows the One who has overcome the world.
Maria is alive and Maria is safe.
March 20, 2009
Maria,
You little nugget! We miss you more than it seems we can bear, but we know God has us in His care and we groan in anticipation of what God is doing and will have done when I hold you in my arms again. I love you!
And I kept blogging, because God kept teaching . . .
March 25, 2009
Chin up! That phrase brought on a whole new meaning as I was taking a walk on the beach. I was asking, thinking, talking to God as I was looking down at the ground, mesmerized by the sand and shells I was strolling over.
I guess I was looking for the perfect shell for the girls, or maybe counting my steps in order