Church Folk - Michele Andrea Bowen [46]
There was a gagging sound, and Rev. Alexander's false teeth popped right out of his mouth. They bounced off the oversized Bible, hit the altar railing, and landed down in front of the altar on the prayer cushions. Rev. Alexander banged his gums together, mumbling like his mouth was full of school-room paste, and mopped the drool off his chin with his handkerchief. He seemed not to realize that his teeth had fallen out and that people in the front were whispering about what to do and how to retrieve them as he kept preaching.
Eddie bent his head forward and shook and wiggled his foot, struggling to keep a straight face. Theophilus stuck a piece of peppermint candy into his mouth, and hoped that by sucking it he could keep from laughing out loud. He sneaked a look back at Essie and spotted her walking out of the sanctuary. When Rev. Alexander turned his head, he eased out of church. As soon as Glodean saw him leave, she, too, edged out of her seat and slipped out. Hot on her heels was Coral Thomas, who made her own getaway, determined to head off Glodean before she caught up with Theophilus, whom Coral figured was coming around to meet up with Essie.
The only person who was unaware of all of this movement was Essie. She had crept out of church choking with laughter, to avoid embarrassing herself. She was still giggling about that old fool's teeth when she happened to glance up and found herself staring straight into a pair of sparkling, dark brown eyes.
Together, she and Theophilus burst out laughing. "I don't know what possessed the Bishop to let Rev. Alexander preach," Theophilus said. "Essie, that old man has some sermons that'll make this one sound good. But I have to tell you, those bad-fitting teeth have slipped around plenty during his sermons, but this is the first time I have ever heard of them popping out of his mouth."
"Theophilus," Essie said, giggling. "Those were not teeth. They were 'teefs.' Anything that jump out of your mouth like those things are 'teefs.' Teeth stay in your mouth. And that sermon? Lord, Mama thought she would die. She and Mrs. Neese just started fanning themselves fast-like, trying not to laugh. But when those teeth hit the altar cushions, Mrs. Neese took her fan and started hitting Mama on the shoulder, coughing and laughing."
Theophilus shook his head, imagining what Mrs. Neese must have looked like choking on her laughs and hitting Lee Allie with a church fan. "Essie," he said. "This is one of those Annual Conferences folks will be talking about for a long time."
"You know it. And it was a whole lot of mess going on up in church today. Did you see the woman who strutted in late wearing that pink and gold lace dress? Lord knows she was so hot that I thought that dress was gonna burst into flames. It took her almost five minutes to walk into church and sit herself down. She was sashaying and carrying on so . . ."
Chapter Eight
AT THE VERY MOMENT THAT ESSIE WAS SEARCHing for the right words to describe Glodean Benson, Coral Thomas caught up with Glodean on the other side of the church. She said, "Where you think you off to?"
Glodean tipped her head back and a little to the side. "Why, Miss Coral, don't you mean to say, 'Welcome back home to Memphis'?"
"You can be all smart and sassy with me if you wants to. But I know and you know, you out here looking for the Pastor. Like to broke your neck jumping up to catch up with him when you saw him walking out of church."
"And what if I did jump up and fly out the church? The old-tail women's missionary society hasn't passed no laws that says I can't leave church when the Pastor do."
Coral leaned toward her. "Maybe our old tails should've passed a whatever just for sly cats like you. Now, gal, you know you followed that man to find out who he with. I know that much 'cause I watched you all during service, looking all around, trying to figure out who it is he supposed to be likin'."
Glodean put one hand on her hip, lifting her chin so Coral could see her eyes from up under that big hat. "I heard Theophilus