Church Folk - Michele Andrea Bowen [50]
"And," Essie said, letting out a deep breath, "more than that, I have a hard time believing that woman's old stuff was so tempting until it made you ignore right to do wrong and forget about your home training, and your common sense."
Theophilus started coughing and had to drink some of his tea. He would go to his grave without ever telling Essie just how tempting and good Glodean's "old stuff" truly was. He shivered a bit at that thought. The only way he would go to his grave and not tell Essie something was if she was with him when he died. And the only woman who would be with him on his deathbed would be his wife. He tried to bury that thought. "Look, Essie, I'm not a whorish man but I am a man. And as a man, I do have needs. I know church folk don't want to hear this but sometimes we all mess up, even preachers. My spirit is strong but I am still a flesh and blood man. Even as much as we hate it, we sometimes miss it and get ourselves in a position where we are not practicing what we preach. Celibacy is hard, baby, real hard. I only messed up that one time but I messed up bad, baby."
Essie was disgusted that he would dare to hand her some tacky mess like that. She thought about what her mama always said—"A man, even a good one, can sure act like a natural fool over some loose tail." "I'll repeat myself," she said. "Theophilus, you had to know on some level that all of this business with Glodean wasn't right. It should have been clear from the start, that one step in her direction was a step toward disaster."
He sighed with exasperation. "Girl, why do you have to make all of this sound so low-down and nasty? I said—"
She quickly interrupted. "It was nasty, wasn't it? And what happened today just showed you that you can't get away from that. You need to do better, Theophilus, flesh and blood man that you are. You need to stay on your knees over this mess."
Theophilus nodded to acknowledge that Essie was right, recognizing that trying to defend himself would only make matters worse. And what could he say? Even friends like Eddie couldn't understand how he had lost his head over Glodean.
Hadn't he already let this Glodean junk mess him up enough? He didn't want to waste any more of his precious time with Essie talking about her. He took a long sip of his tea and smiled at Essie, taking one of her hands and raising it to his lips. Then, with his thumb, he gently rubbed the spot on the back of her hand that he had kissed.
Essie drew in her breath. That spot on her hand was glowing from his kiss and his touch.
Theophilus closed his eyes, still caressing her hand. He said, "Essie, I am sorry my past showed up at the very moment when I was hoping for a brighter future."
Essie captured his hand between her own.
"You know something, baby," he said softly. "You've had me going since I first laid eyes on you. I think about you all the time. I can hardly write my sermons for wishing I could be with you instead of just hearing your voice over the phone. And, Essie, know this if you don't know anything else—you are, without a doubt, the first woman to ever hold my heart so completely in the palm of her hand."
Essie felt flooded with relief and joy.
Now Theophilus opened her hands, and, covering them with his large dark ones, lightly stroked her palms and wrists. "My heart is in the palm of your hand," he repeated. "You have to know that I want you, Essie."
She closed her eyes, overcome by his words and touch. "Baby, look at me."
She smiled into his eyes, and he raised her hands, kissing them both. "Essie, what we have is so good," he said. "So good, baby, that I never want to lose it. Lord knows, I want you so close to me that we won't be able to tell where one begins and the other one ends."
Chapter Ten
ESSIE PICKED UP A TINY RIB, DRIPPING WITH HOMEmade