Clapton_ The Autobiography - Eric Clapton [69]
It eventually produced a state of euphoria, and a patient can actually end up going into a kind of half sleep. They talk about heroin as “the nod,” because it does send you into a stupor, and the black box was supposed to have the same effect. So the treatment was really comprised of trying to wean you off heroin both psychologically and emotionally while the box physically reduced the withdrawal symptoms. Theoretically, as you progressed in the treatment, the amount of time you spent plugged into the box would decrease.
After about five days, Meg told me that the treatment was not going to work unless Alice and I were treated separately. The nights were the problem, because neither of us could sleep, and this was wearing us all down. I was also having serious misgivings. At first I had felt like we were being given a demonstration of what this thing could do, but now it was dawning on me that this was really it. This was all we were going to get, and I was panicking. They decided that, to make things more manageable, I should go and live with them on Harley Street while Alice was to go to a clinic elsewhere. Her problems were compounded by the fact that she was also drinking heavily. I didn’t like it that they were splitting us up at all and wondered why, if one of us had to be shipped off to some strange nursing home, it should be Alice and not me. I still feel quite puzzled about them in this respect. Could it have been that they saw me as a golden opportunity, a high-profile patient with whom they might have success? This would undoubtedly give a boost to their clinic, which I think had been quite slow in getting off the ground.
It was unnerving going to live on my own with a strange, completely straight family, but I knew I had to accept everything being offered. Looking back on it, I suppose the idea was that “the cure” was a purely physical technique coupled with lots of tender loving care and dietary supervision, with George’s Christian ethic added to the mix. They also had what appeared to be a very strong family unit on display, two sons and a daughter, who were shining examples of how good kids could be. It was as if they were saying, “Look how it can be when everyone’s in harmony.” But this just made it all the more difficult.
I remember one time they let me out on my own, and I went to see some friends and got my hands on some Viseptone, which is a methadone syrup used to wean people off heroin. I smuggled it back to Meg’s house and hid it in some clothes. What I didn’t realize was that she was going through my things. The next day at lunch, in front of the children, she produced the bottle and told me that I had betrayed her and that my behavior was disgusting. She then poured it down the sink. I have never seen eye-to-eye with shaming people, no matter the justification, and I couldn’t understand how it could be part of their program. It didn’t work, and it was humiliating. It was at this point that I inwardly decided to have nothing to do with them, and quietly shut down.
I did make a kind of recovery while I was there, and they did help a great deal in fact by encouraging me to listen to and play music again. By doing this, I got back in touch with my feelings, and they came back in a flood. Looking back, I honestly believe that Meg and George did the best they could with what they had. But it wasn’t enough. Because for all the good they may have done in getting me off heroin, to then let me loose without any real aftercare was uninformed and dangerous. They seemed to have had no knowledge of or interest in any of the twelve-step programs like AA or NA, which have been active and flourishing in London and throughout England since the mid-1940s. After my treatments, their idea of rehabilitation,