Cockfighter - Charles Ray Willeford [73]
This year was going to be my year. I could sense it, and my new partnership with Omar was the turning point in my run of ill fortune. I knew this. My prospects had been as good before, but they had never been any better. I couldn't continue through life silent and alone, and I couldn't keep Mary Elizabeth dangling on a thread—the thread would break, and both of us would be lost. If there was to be a break, it would have to be now—Her way or My way—and she could make the choice!
I sat down at the table to write Mary Elizabeth a letter:
Dearest Darling,
I love you! How inadequate are written words to tell you of my feelings! To be with you and yet to be unable to speak, to tell you again and again that I love you is unbearable. To leave without saying good-bye, as I did, hurt me more than you can ever know. And yet, I had to leave silently, like a thief in the night. If I had written you a note with a bare “Good-bye,” you would have rightfully demanded an explanation I couldn't give because I couldn't speak! But an explanation is due, my- Love, and on the blankness of this page I shall attempt the impossible. Never, never doubt my love!
First, I was home to obtain my rightfully owned property. You know this now, of course, because your brother bought my farmhouse and land from me. What you don't know is that Judge Powell was instructed to sell only to Wright. Whether Iwas right or wrong in turning Randall out of his home depends upon how you want to look at it. In the Holy Bible the eldest son gets the inheritance of his father, as you know. In the eyes of the Lord, and I recognize no other Master, I was right. But even so, I only sold my land because I had to.
For ten years my goal has been to be the best cockfighter in the United States. Several, not many, times I've tried to explain cockfighting and my ambitions to you, but you have never listened. Read this, now, and then decide. Our future happiness, yours and mine, depends upon your decision. Closing your ears to all rational argument, you have always said that cockfighting was cruel and therefore wrong. But you have never SEEN a cockfight, and you said that you never intended to. At last I say you must!
The only way that you can find out that cockfighting is not a cruel sport is to see for yourself. I am now engaged in my very last try to reach the top. To continue fighting year after year without success is no longer possible. If I don't win the two-day Milledgeville Tourney this year, I promise you that I'll quit forever! We will be married immediately, and I'll enter any profession or endeavor YOU decide upon!
However, if I do win, and I want you physically present at the Milledgeville pit, win or lose, I intend to follow cockfighting as a full-time profession for the rest of my natural life. If you can accept this way of life, we will get married immediately and go to Puerto Rico on our honeymoon.
The remaining alternative, of course, is to tear this letter to bits and put me out of your mind and life forever. If this latter course is your decision, I'll abide by it, and I'll never, I promise, write or see you again, but my heart will be completely broken!
Don't write and tell me what your decision is. If you do write, I won't open your letters. Two seats will be reserved in your name at the Milledgeville Tourney (bring your brother if you like) from March 15 to March 16. I won't write again, and will pray daily to the good Lord above that you will TRY—and please let your heart decide—to be there at Milledgeville.
I love you. I always have and always will!
Frank
I read the letter twice before sealing it into an envelope, and I thought it was a damned