Color Purple, The - Alice Walker [27]
Where you find him at? I ast.
Up under my car, she say. The one at home. I drove it after the oil gave out, kilt the engine. He the man fixed it. Us took one look at one nother, that was it.
Mr.??? feelings hurt, I say. I don't mention mine.
Aw, she say. That old stuff finally over with. You and Albert feel just like family now. Anyhow, once you told me he beat you, and won't work, I felt different about him. If you was my wife, she say, I'd cover you up with kisses stead of licks, and work hard for you too.
He ain't beat me much since you made him quit, I say. Just a slap now and then when he ain't got nothing else to do.
Yall make love any better? she ast.
Us try, I say. He try to play with the button but feel like his fingers dry. Us don't git nowhere much.
You still a virgin? she ast.
I reckon. I say.
Mr.??? and Grady gone off in the car together. Shug ast me could she sleep with me. She cold in her and Grady bed all alone. Us talk bout this and that. Soon talk about making love. Shug don't actually say making love. She say something nasty. She say fuck.
She ast me, How was it with your children daddy?
The girls had a little separate room, I say, off to itself, connected to the house by a little plank walk. Nobody ever come hi there but Mama. But one time when mama not at home, he come. Told me he want me to trim his hair. He bring the scissors and comb and brush and a stool. While I trim his hair he look at me funny. He a little nervous too, but I don't know why, till he grab hold of me and cram me up tween his legs.
I lay there quiet, listening to Shug breathe.
It hurt me, you know, I say. I was just going on fourteen. I never even thought bout men having nothing down there so big. It scare me just to see it. And the way it poke itself and grow.
Shug so quiet I think she sleep. After he through, I say, he mate me finish trimming his hair.
I sneak a look at Shug.
Oh, Miss Celie, she say. And put her arms round me. They black and smooth and kind of glowy from the lamplight.
I start to cry too. I cry and cry and cry. Seem like it all come back to me, laying there in Shug arms. How it hurt and how much I was surprise. How it stung while I finish trimming his hah-. How the blood drip down my leg and mess up my stocking. How he don't never look at me straight after that. And Nettie.
Don't cry, Celie, Shug say. Don't cry. She start kissing the water as it come down side my face.
After while I say, Mama finally ast how come she find his hair in the girls room if he don't never go in there like he say. That when he told her I had a boyfriend. Some boy he say he seen sneaking put the back door. It the boy's hair, he say, not his. You know how she love to cut anybody hair, he say.
I did love to cut hair, I say to Shug, since I was a little bitty thing. I'd run go git the scissors if I saw ban-coming, and I'd cut and cut, long as I could. That how come I was the one cut his hah-. But always before I cut it on the front porch. It got to the place where everytime I saw him coming with the scissors and the comb and the stool, I start to cry.
Shug say, Wellsah, and I thought it was only white-folks do freakish things like that.
My mama die, I tell Shug. My sister Nettie run away. Mr.??? come git me to take care bis rotten children. He never ast me nothing bout myself. He clam on top of me and fuck and fuck, even when my head bandaged. Nobody ever love me, I say.
She say, I love you, Miss Celie. And then she haul off and kiss me on the mouth.
Um, she say, like she surprise. I kiss her back, say, um, too. Us kiss and kiss till us can't hardly kiss no more. Then us touch each other.
I don't know nothing bout it, I say to Shug.
I don't know much, she say.
Then I feels something real soft and wet on my breast, feel like one of my little lost babies