Color Purple, The - Alice Walker [66]
Well, said Samuel, silence struck the gathering like a blight. Poor Aunt Theodosia! There's something in all of us that wants a medal for what we have done. That wants to be appreciated. And Africans certainly don't deal in medals. They hardly seem to care whether missionaries exist.
Don't be bitter, I said.
How can I not? he said.
The Africans never asked us to come, you know. There's no use blaming them if we feel unwelcome.
It's worse than unwelcome, said Samuel. The Africans don't even seeus. They don't even recognize us as the brothers and sisters they sold.
Oh, Samuel, I said. Don't.
But you know, he had started to cry. Oh Nettie, he said. That's the heart of it, don't you see. We love them. We try every way we can to show that love. But they reject us. They never even listen to how we've suffered. And if they listen they say stupid things. Why don't you speak our language? they ask. Why can't you remember the old ways? Why aren't you happy in America, if everyone there drives motorcars?
Celie, it seemed as good a time as any to put my arms around him. Which I did. And words long buried in my heart crept to my lips.
I stroked his dear head and face and I called him darling and dear. And I'm afraid, dear, dear Celie, that concern and passion soon ran away with us.
I hope when you receive this news of your sister's forward behavior you will not be shocked or inclined to judge me harshly. Especially when I tell you what a total joy it was. I was transported by ecstasy in Samuel's arms.
You may have guessed that I loved him all along; but I did not know it. Oh, I loved him as a brother and respected him as a friend, but Celie, I love him bodily, as a man! Ilove his walk, his size, his shape, his smell, the kinkiness of his hah-. I love the very texture of his palms. The pink of his inner lip. I love his big nose. I love his brows. I love his feet. And I love his dear eyes in which the vulnerability and beauty of his soul can be plainly read.
The children saw the change hi us immediately. I'm afraid, my dear, we were radiant.
We love each other dearly, Samuel told them, with his arm around me. We intend to marry.
But before we do, I said, I must tell you something about my life and about Corrine and about someone else. And it was then I told them about you, Celie. And about their mother Corrine's love of them. And about being their aunt.
But where is this other woman, your sister? asked Olivia.
I explained your marriage to Mr!??? as best I could.
Adam was instantly alarmed. He is a very sensitive soul who hears what isn't said as clearly as what is.
We will go back to America soon, said Samuel to reassure him, and see about her.
The children stood up with us in a simple church ceremony in London. And it was that night, after the wedding dinner, when we were all getting ready for bed, that Olivia told me what has been troubling her brother. He is missing Tashi.
But he's also very angry with her, she said, because when we left, she was planning to scar her face.
I didn't know this. One of the things we thought we'd helped stop was the scarring or cutting of tribal marks on the faces of young women.
It is a way the Olinka can show they still have their own ways, said Olivia, even though the white man has taken everything else. lashi didn't want to do it, but to make her people feel better, she's resigned. She's going to have the female initiation ceremony too, she said.
Oh, no, I said. That's so dangerous. Suppose she becomes infected?
I know, said Olivia. I told her nobody in America or Europe cuts off pieces of themselves. And anyway, she would have had it when she was eleven, if she was going to have it. She's too old for it now.
Well, some men are circumcised, I said, but that's just the removal of a bit of skin. lashi was happy that the initiation ceremony isn't done in Europe or America, said Olivia. That makes it even more valuable