Color Purple, The - Alice Walker [81]
Just miserable. That's what I was. And I couldn't understand why us have life at an if all it can do most times is make us feel bad. All I ever wanted in life was Shug Avery, he say. And one while, all she wanted in life was me. Well, us couldn't have each other, he say. I got Annie Julia. Then you. All them rotten children. She got Grady and who know who all. But still, look like she come out better than me. A lot of people love Shug, but nobody but Shug love me.
Hard not to love Shug, I say. She know how to love. somebody back.
I tried to do something bout my children after you left me. But by that time it was too late. Bub come with me for two weeks, stole all my money, laid up on the porch drunk. My girls so far off into mens and religion they can't hardly talk. Everytime they open they mouth some kind of plea come out. Near bout to broke my sorry heart.
If you know your heart sorry, I say, that mean it not quite as spoilt as you think.
Anyhow, he say, you know how it is. You ast yourself one question, it lead to fifteen. I start to wonder why us need love. Why us suffer. Why us black. Why us men and women. Where do children really come from. It didn't take long to realize I didn't hardly know nothing. And that if you ast yourself why you black or a man or a woman or a bush it don't mean nothing if you don't ast why you here, period.
So what you think? I ast.
I think us here to wonder, myself. To wonder. To ast. And that in wondering bout the big things and asting bout the big things, you learn about the little ones, almost by accident. But you never know nothing more about the big things than you start out with.
The more I wonder, he say, the more I love.
And people start to love you back, I bet, I say.
They do, he. say, surprise. Harpo seem to love me. Sofia and the children. I think even ole evil Henrietta love me a little bit, but that's cause she know she just as big a mystery to me as the man in the moon.
Mr.??? is busy patterning a shirt for folks to wear with my pants.
Got to have pockets, he say. Got to have loose sleeves. And definitely you not spose to wear it with no tie. Folks wearing ties look like they being lynch.
And then, just when I know I can live content without Shug, just when Mr.??? done ast me to marry him again, this time in the spirit as well as in the flesh, and just after I say Naw, I still don't like frogs, but let's us be friends, Shug write me she coming home.
Now. Is this life or not?
I be so calm.
If she come, I be happy. If she don't, I be content.
And then I figure this the lesson I was suppose to learn.
Oh Celie, she say, stepping out of the car, dress like a moving star, I missed you more than I missed my own mama.
Us hug.
Come on in, I say.
Oh, the house look so nice, she say, when us git to her room. You know I love pink.
Got you some elephants and turtles coming, too, I say.
Where your room? she ast.
Down the hall, I say.
Let's go see it, she say.
Well, here it is, I say, standing in the door. Everything in my room purple and red cept the floor, that painted bright yellow.
She go right to the little purple frog perch on my mantlepiece.
What this? she ast.
Oh, I say, a little something Albert carve for me.
She look at me funny for a minute, I look at her. Then us laugh.
Where Germaine at? I ast.
In college, she say. Wilberforce. Can't let all that talent go to waste. Us through, though, she say. He feel just like family now. Like a son. Maybe a grandson. What you and Albert been up to? she ast.
Nothing much, I say.
She say, I know Albert and I bet he been up to something, with you looking as fine as you look.
Us sew, I say. Make idle conversation.
How idle? she ast.
What do you know, I think. Shug jealous. I have a good mind to make up a story just to make her feel bad. But I don't.
Us talk bout you, I say. How much us love you.
She smile, come put her head on my breast. Let out a long breath.
Your sister,
Celie
Dear God. Dear stars, dear trees, dear sky, dear peoples. Dear Everything. Dear God..
Thank you for bringing