Come Lie With Me - Linda Howard [38]
“You don’t remind me of my mother,” he said heavily.
Again she searched for something to say. “Did you really expect all of your capabilities to return immediately, just because you put your weight on your legs today?” she finally asked. “I would’ve been surprised if you had been…er, responding like that. You’ve had a lot on your mind, and you’ve been in terrible physical shape.”
“I’m not in terrible physical shape now,” he pointed out tiredly.
No, he wasn’t. Dione considered him as he lay there, wearing only the bottoms of his pajamas. He’d started leaving off the tops several weeks ago. He was still lean, but now it was the leanness of a hard layer of muscle. Even his legs had fleshed out some as he gained weight, and thanks to the rigorous program he’d been following, he even had muscles in his legs, despite his inability to command movement from them yet. He was a natural athlete anyway, and his body had responded promptly to the training. His arms and shoulders and chest were showing the benefits of weight lifting, and the hours in the pool had given his skin a glowing bronze color. He looked incredibly healthy, all things considered.
What could she say? She couldn’t reassure him that his mind and body would recover and let him respond normally, because recovery hadn’t happened yet for her. She couldn’t even say that she wanted to “recover.” Perhaps she missed out on a great deal of human warmth by living the way she did, but she also avoided the pain of human cruelty. Until the accident, Blake had led a charmed life. He had loved, and been loved, by more women than he could probably remember. To him, life wasn’t complete without sex. To her, life was much safer without it. How could she even begin to convince him of something she didn’t believe in herself?
At last she said cautiously, “You’re better, yes, but you’re not in top physical condition yet. The body is a series of complementary systems; when any part of it is hurt, all the systems cooperate in helping to speed healing. With the therapy program you’ve been following, you’ve focused your mind and body on retraining your muscles. It’s part of the recovery process, and until you’ve progressed enough that such intense concentration isn’t needed, I think you’re being unrealistic to expect any sexual responses. Let things happen in their own time.” After considering him for another minute, she tilted her head sideways. “I estimate that you’re at about sixty-five percent of your normal strength. You’re expecting too much.”
“I’m expecting what any normal man expects in his life,” Blake said harshly. “You were bubbling over with self-confidence when you promised me that I’d walk again, but you’re not sure about this, are you?”
“I’m not a sex therapist,” she snapped. “But I do have common sense, and I’m trying to use it. There’s no physical reason why you shouldn’t be able to have sex, so I’d advise you to stop worrying about it and concentrate on walking. Nature will take care of everything else.”
“Stop worrying!” he muttered under his breath. “Lady, it’s not the weather we’re talking about! If I can’t function as a man, what’s the use in living? I’m not talking about just sex; there’d be no marriage for me, no children, and while I’ve never wanted to marry anyone yet, I’ve always thought that I’d like to have a family someday. Can’t you understand that? Haven’t you ever wanted a husband, children?”
Dione winced, physically shrinking away from him. He had an uncanny knack of hitting her where she was most vulnerable. Before she could stop herself, she blurted out thickly, “I’ve always wanted children. And I was married. It just didn’t work out.”
His chest rose and fell as he drew in a deep breath, and she could feel his gaze searching her face in the darkness. Surely he couldn’t see anything more than an outline, since she was sitting out