Come Lie With Me - Linda Howard [89]
She had never thought that she would miss the fights that she and Blake had had, the loud and boisterous arguments, but she did. She missed everything about him, from his early-morning grumpiness to the wicked smile that lighted his face when he was teasing her.
With foolish desperation, she hoped that the last night they’d had together would result in a baby; he hadn’t taken any precautions that night, and for almost three weeks she was able to dream, to pretend. Then she discovered that it wasn’t to be, and her world turned that much darker.
When she received a large check in the mail, forwarded by Dr. Norwood, it was all she could do to keep from screaming aloud in pain when she saw his signature. She wanted to tear it up, but she couldn’t. The check was for the agreed-upon money. She traced her fingertip over the bold, angular script. It was just as she had known it would be; once she was away from him, she became only a part of his past. She had done what was best for him, but she hadn’t known that she would have to live the rest of her life on the fine edge of agony.
With grim determination she set about rebuilding the defenses that he had torn down. She had to have them, to push the pain and memories behind, to hold the darkness at bay. Someday, she thought, looking at the wintry gray sky, she would find pleasure in living again. Someday the sun would shine again.
She had been with the Colberts exactly one month when she was called to the telephone. Frowning in perplexity, she gave Kevin his coloring book and crayons to keep him occupied until she returned, then went out to the hall to answer the phone.
“It’s a man,” Francine Colbert whispered, smiling at her in delight; then she left to see what had happened to make Amy suddenly bellow as if she were being scalped.
Dione put the phone to her ear. “Hello,” she said cautiously.
“I’m not going to bite you,” a deep, rich voice said in amusement, and she slumped against the wall as her knees threatened to buckle under her.
“Blake!” she whispered.
“You’ve been there a month,” he said. “Has your patient fallen in love with you yet?”
She closed her eyes, fighting down the mingled pain and pleasure that made her throat threaten to close. Hearing his voice made her weak all over, and she didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry. “Yes,” she gulped. “He’s madly in love with me.”
“What does he look like?” he growled.
“He’s a gorgeous blond, with big blue eyes, not as dark as yours. He pouts for hours if he doesn’t win when we play Go Fish,” she said, and wiped a stray tear from her cheek.
Blake chuckled. “He sounds like real competition. How tall is he?”
“Oh, I don’t know. About as tall as your average five-year-old, I suppose,” she said.
“Well, that’s a relief. I suppose I can leave you alone with him for a few more months.”
She almost dropped the phone and had to grab the cord before it got away from her completely. Putting it back to her ear, she heard him say, “Are you still there?”
“Yes,” she said, and wiped another tear away.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he said casually. “You told me over and over again that I didn’t love you; you explained in great detail why I couldn’t love you. But one thing that you never said was that you don’t love me, and it seems to me that should have been your number-one reason for calling off a wedding. Well?”
What did he want? To reassure himself that she was all right, that she wasn’t pining away? She bit her lip, then said weakly, “I don’t love you.”
“You’re lying,” he snapped in return, and she could feel his temper rising. “You’re so crazy about me that you’re standing there crying, aren’t you?”
“No,” she denied, fiercely dashing the wetness from her face.
“You’re lying again. I’ve got a meeting waiting for me, so I’ll let you get back to your patient, but I’m not through with you. If you thought you could end it