Company - Max Barry [15]
They look at him. “Check out business boy,” Holly says.
“I just mean—”
“Fine, I'll print out your account list. Just let me finish my hair.”
“That's my girl.” Freddy maneuvers his office chair around the partitions and wheels into Jones's cubicle. “Now, I'll call one of Wendell's customers and you listen in. Try to pick up some strategies.”
Jones nods enthusiastically. “Thanks. That'd be great.”
Freddy punches for speakerphone. “Hi, this is Freddy Carlson from Zephyr Training Sales. You placed an order for eighty hours of training with us last week, right? Well, you need to cancel them.”
“Why, what's wrong?”
“It's for, what, three people? That's just ridiculous. Why would you need eighty hours of training for three people?”
“Ah . . . there was a reason . . . the sales rep, Wendell, explained it to me.”
“Was it total cost of ownership? Because we make those figures up. No, wait, did he say we've got a revamped product lineup? All we did is change the fonts on the brochures.”
“Why do you want me to cancel my order?” The man's tone grows suspicious. “Are you overbooked?”
“I'm just looking out for you. Seriously, our courses are terrible. They're the same basic teamwork lesson packaged under different names.”
“I didn't order anything about teamwork. I ordered Managing C++ Programmers in Time-Sensitive Projects.”
“That's the teamwork course! They're all the teamwork course!”
“Maybe I should order more courses, if they're filling up so fast. Do you have something on workflow best practice for small groups?”
Freddy freezes. Then he stabs the TALK button.
Jones blinks. “Did you just hang up on that guy?”
“This is more difficult than I thought.”
“Hey,” Holly says, from her desk. “Check the printer behind you. List of accounts.”
“Maybe this is why I'm not a sales rep,” Freddy says. He chews his lip. “Could we just cancel orders and not tell anyone, do you think?”
“I doubt it,” Holly says. “I bet there are checks. Balances, too.”
Jones retrieves his printout. He holds it up for Holly. “Is this it?”
“Yep.”
“But this can't be right.”
“What's the matter?”
“These are my customers?”
Infrastructure Management—Building
Infrastructure Management—Fleet
Infrastructure Management—Interiors
Infrastructure Management—Acquisitions
Infrastructure Management—Fire and
Emergency
Marketing—Corporate
Marketing—Branding
Marketing—Public Relations
Marketing—Internal
Marketing—Direct
Marketing—Operations
Marketing—Research
Infrastructure Maintenance—Control
Infrastructure Maintenance—Acquisitions
Infrastructure Maintenance—Clean Teams
Infrastructure Maintenance—Reporting
Infrastructure Maintenance—Softs
Infrastructure Maintenance—Climate Control
Infrastructure Maintenance—Large
It continues for another three pages. Holly says, “What's the problem?”
“They're internal departments.”
“So?”
“You're telling me we sell training packages to other Zephyr departments?”
“You didn't know that?”
“No! I thought our customers were other companies!”
Holly and Freddy start laughing. Freddy says, “That's so funny.”
“That's how Zephyr works,” Holly says. “Infrastructure Management bills our department for parking and office space. Fleet bills us for company cars. We bill other departments for training. Well, actually, Training Delivery bills them. We just take a commission.”
“It's all about efficiently allocating costs,” Freddy says. “Or something.”
“But I thought Zephyr was a training company. I thought that's what we did. What do we do, then?”
Holly says, “You mean, like, overall?”
“Yes!”
She shrugs. Jones stares. She crosses her arms defensively. “I know what our department does. But Zephyr's a big company.”
Jones looks at Freddy. “Don't ask me. The company does a lot of things, Jones.”
“Which of them involves selling things to people who don't work in this building?”
Freddy scratches his chin. Holly says, “I'm sure there's something.”
Jones feels faint. He is realizing that he took a job at a company without knowing what