Confessions of a GP - Benjamin Daniels [0]
Benjamin Daniels
Table of Contents
Cover Page
Title Page
Disclaimer
Who am I?
Introduction
Mrs Peacock
Tom Jones
Targets
First day
Jargon
Proud to work for the NHS
Drug reps
Mr Tipton, the paedophile
Average day
Tara
Sex in the surgery
The elderly
Bums
Julia
Good doctors
Connor
Janine
Saving lives
Kirsty, the trannie
‘It’s my boobs, Doc’
Mr Hogden
Small talk
Notes
Lists
Ten minutes
Alf
Meningitis
Uzma
Africa
Evidence
Carolina
Lee
Hugging
Shit life syndrome
Mrs Briggs
Betty Bale’s cat
Vaccines
Darryl
The pat dog
Rina
Dos and don’ts
Home births
Michael
Alternative medicine
Thai bride
Dead people
Holistic earwax
Obesity register
Dr Arbury
Body fluids
Racism
Sleep
Magic wand
Cannabis
Sick notes
Drug reps…again
Mistakes…I’ve made a few
Dying
Happy pills
Top 1 per cent of the population
Computers
Kieran
Peter
Granny dumping
Aggressive conduct disorder
Ed
Camouflage man
Memories
Fighting
Class
Tingling ear syndrome
Gary
Beach medicine
Gifts
Politics
Passing judgement
The examination game
Sex
Money
Angela
I don’t like some of my patients
Boundaries
Smoking
Angry man
Maintaining interest
The future?
Tariq
Babies
Acknowledgements
About the author
Copyright
About the Publisher
Disclaimer
The events described in this book are based on my experiences as a new GP. For obvious reasons of privacy and confidentiality I have made certain changes, altered identifying features and fictionalised some aspects, but it remains an honest reflection of life as a young doctor in Britain today. This is what it’s like. These things really happen!
Who am I?
Humans have a universal desire to be listened to and share their stories of pain and suffering. My job as a GP is to listen to those stories. Sometimes I interject with some suggestions or medications, but more often I am simply a passive observer of the soap operas that are people’s lives. With regular appointments, I watch the characters develop and the narratives unfold. Although some of my patients have an overinflated view of my significance, I really am just a walk-on part in their lives. I’m like the extra in the corner of the Queen Vic who tries his best to play a small role in one or two of the storylines, but in reality rarely affects the progress of the plot or the big ending. The advantage I do have is that I get to watch the story unfold from a unique and fascinating angle. Being a doctor gives me a privileged insight into the more private and often bizarre aspects of human life and, with that in mind, let me share some slices of my working life with you.
Introduction
I love my job and have no regrets about choosing to become a doctor and then a GP. This is quite fortunate really, as my decision to study medicine was made as I chose my A levels at the tender age of 16 ¼. At this time my only real reservation against becoming a doctor was the knowledge that I would have to endure chemistry A level. I couldn’t really think of any other reason why I shouldn’t be a doctor. What could be better that swanning around a hospital full of beautiful nurses and “saving lives”? People would think I was great and ultimately this would lead to me finally getting a girlfriend. As an awkward 16-year-old with bad skin and greasy hair, most of my career aspirations were based on what profession would give me the best opportunity of gaining me some interest from the opposite sex. I had accepted that my carnal ambitions would ideally be achieved by being in a boy band or playing premiership football, but unfortunately my lack of talent in both these departments led to the inevitable choice of medicine. I chose my A levels in the year that ER first arrived on our screens. A poster of George Clooney in a white coat was on every girl’s wall. Of course I wanted to be a doctor!
On my university application form, I had the good sense to not write that I wanted to be a doctor so I could ‘save lives and hence get laid’. I scribbled down something about my love of ‘working