Contact - Carl Sagan [4]
She had caught a glimpse of something majestic. Hiding between all the ordinary numbers was an infinity of transcendental numbers whose presence you would never have guessed unless you looked deeply into mathematics. Every now and then one of them, like, would pop up unexpectedly in everyday life. But most of them-an infinite number of them, she reminded herself-were hiding, minding their own business, almost certainly unglimpsed by the irritable Mr. Weisbrod.
* * *
She saw through John Staughton from the first. How her mother could ever contemplate marrying him- never mind that it was only two years after her father's death-was an impenetrable mystery. He was nice enough looking, and he could pretend, when he put his mind to it, that he really cared about you. But he was a martinet. He made students come over weekends to weed and garden at the new house they had moved into, and then made fun of them after they left. He told Ellie that she was just beginning high school and was not to look twice at any of his bright young men. He was puffed up with imaginary self-importance. She was sure that as a professor he secretly despised her dead father, who had been only a shopkeeper. Staughton had made it clear that an interest in radio and electronics was unseemly for a girl, that it would not catch her a husband, that understanding physics was for her a foolish and aberrational notion. "Pretentious," he called it. She just didn't have the ability. This was an objective fact that she might as well get used to. He was telling her this for her own good. She'd thank him for it in later life. He was, after all, an associate professor of physics. He knew what it took. These homilies would always infuriate her, even though she had never before-despite Staughton's refusal to believe it-considered a career in science.
He was not a gentle man, as her father had been, and he had no idea what a sense of humor was. When anyone assumed that she was Staughton's daughter, she would be outraged. Her mother and stepfather never suggested that she change her name to Staughton; they knew what her response would be.
Occasionally there was a little warmth in the man, as when, in her hospital room just after her tonsillectomy, he had brought her a splendid kaleidoscope.
"When are they going to do the operation," she had asked, a little sleepily.
"They've already done it," Staughton had answered. "You're going to be fine." She found it disquieting that whole blocks of time could be stolen without her knowledge, and blamed him. She knew at the time it was childish.
That her mother could truly love him was inconceivable. She must have remarried out of loneliness, out of weakness. She needed someone to take care of her. Ellie vowed she would never accept a position of dependence. Ellie's father had died, her mother had grown distant, and Ellie felt herself exiled to the house of a tyrant. There was no one to call her Presh anymore.
She longed to escape.
"`Bridgeport?' said I.
"`Camelot,' said he."
CHAPTER 2
Coherent Light
Since I first gained the use of reason my inclination toward learning has been so violent and strong that neither the scoldings of other people… nor my own reflections… have been able to stop me from following this natural impulse that God gave me. He alone must know why; and He knows too that I have begged Him to take the light of my understanding, leaving only enough for me to keep His law, for anything else is excessive in a woman, according to some people. And others say it is even harmful.
-JUANA INES DE LA CRUZ
Reply to the Bishop of Puebla (1691), who had attacked her scholarly work as