Cordelia's Honor - Lois McMaster Bujold [233]
She'd actually managed to boggle Bothari, surely a first. His brow wrinkled. "Only Betans would think you needed a bleeding university degree. . . . Do women hire them?"
"Sure. Couples, too. The . . . the teaching element is rather more emphasized, there."
He shook his head, and hesitated. He shot her a sidelong look. "My mother was a whore." His tone was curiously distant. He waited.
"I'd . . . about figured that out."
"Don't know why she didn't abort me. She could have, she did those as well as midwifery. Maybe she was looking to her old age. She used to sell me to her customers."
Cordelia choked. "Now . . . now that would not have been allowed, on Beta Colony."
"I can't remember much about that time. I ran away when I was twelve, when I got big enough to beat up her damned customers. Ran with the gangs, till I was sixteen, passed for eighteen, and lied my way into the Service. Then I was out of here." His palms slid across each other, indicating how slick and fast his escape.
"The Service must have seemed like heaven, in comparison."
"Till I met Vorrutyer." He stared around vaguely. "There were more people around here, back then. It's almost dead here now." His voice went meditative. "There's a great deal of my life I can't remember very well. It's like I'm all . . . patchy. Yet there are some things I want to forget and can't."
She wasn't about to ask, What? But she made an I-am-listening noise, down in her throat.
"Don't know who my father was. Being a bastard here is damn near as bad as being a mutant."
" 'Bastard' is used as a negative description of a personality, but it doesn't really have an objective meaning, in the Betan context. Unlicensed children aren't the same thing, and they're so rare, they're dealt with on a case-by-case basis." Why is he telling me all this? What does he want of me? When he started, he seemed almost fearful; now he looks almost contented. What did I say right? She sighed.
To her secret relief, Koudelka returned about then, bearing actual fresh sandwiches of bread and cheese, and bottled beer. Cordelia was glad for the beer; she'd have been dubious of the water in this place. She chased her first bite with a grateful swallow, and said, "Kou, we have to re-arrange our strategy."
He settled awkwardly beside her, listening seriously. "Yes?"
"We obviously can't take Lady Vorpatril and the baby with us. And we can't leave her here. We left five corpses and a burning groundcar for Vordarian's security. They're going to be searching this area in earnest. But for just a little while longer, they will still be hunting for a very pregnant woman. It gives us a time window. We have to split up."
He filled a hesitant moment with a bite of sandwich. "Will you go with her, then, Milady?"
She shook her head. "I must go with the Residence team. If only because I'm the only one who can say, This is impossible now, it's time to quit. Drou is absolutely required, and I need Bothari." And, in some strange way, Bothari needs me. "That leaves you."
His lips compressed bitterly. "At least I won't slow you down."
"You're not a default choice," she said sharply. "Your ingenuity got us in to Vorbarr Sultana. I think it can get Lady Vorpatril out. You're her best shot."
"But it feels like you're running into danger, and I'm running away."
"A dangerous illusion. Kou, think. If Vordarian's goons catch her again, they'll show her no mercy. Nor you, nor especially the baby. There is no 'safer.' Only mortal necessity, and logic, and the absolute need to keep your head."
He sighed. "I'll try, Milady."
" 'Try' is not good enough. Padma Vorpatril 'tried.' You bloody succeed, Kou."
He nodded slowly. "Yes, Milady."
Bothari left to scrounge clothing for Kou's new persona of poor-young-husband-and-father.