Cowboy Casanova - Lorelei James [107]
That startled him. “Guess my grandfather was a real bastard. Kinda sucks that I was named after him. Is your dad like that?”
“No. Just set in his ways. Your mom is an interesting woman. We have a lot in common. I liked her. She asked me out to lunch.”
Ben harrumphed. “She’s a meddling woman.”
“Your mother was a lot warmer to me than Rielle.”
“Jesus. Rielle was here too?”
“Evidently she heard you were sick and brought over a basket of muffins to send you on the road to recovery.” An edge of jealousy crept into her tone despite her intent to curb it.
“Huh. That’s weird.” He pointed to a colorful ball on the chair. “What’s that?”
Why did he blatantly change the subject whenever Rielle was mentioned? “My knitting.”
“Knitting. You knit?”
“Yes. I had to have something productive to do while you were feverish and thrashing around.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why? Do you think it’s a lame hobby?” Not the right type of hobby for a sub? Are my hands supposed to busy tending to your needs all the time?
Not fair.
Ben shrugged. “Not lame at all. You’ve never mentioned it.”
“We haven’t exactly spent our time talking in the last month.”
“Careful, angel, I might take that as a complaint. Especially when you’re the one who doesn’t wanna talk about stuff.”
Ainsley rested her cheek on the couch cushion. She’d rehearsed this conversation in her head and now was the time to have it for real. “Not a complaint, Ben. Just an observation.”
“I don’t think I’m gonna like this observation, am I?”
“Probably not.” Her eyes searched his. “I like how it’s been between us the last couple days, almost more than I did when we were Dom and sub.”
The wounded look on his face made her feel as if she’d sliced him in two. “You don’t really mean that.”
“Maybe you’re right. But that’s the issue. I don’t know what I mean.” She sighed. “Sex with you… God, I never dreamed a physical relationship could be that all-consuming. And it was between us. Every single time. The amount of intensity varied, but it was always there.” She glanced away, unsure how to finish.
After a minute or so, Ben said, “Can you look at me, please?”
Not a Dom command. She looked at him. In his eyes she saw fear, honesty, trust and power. She saw everything she needed. She saw everything she shouldn’t want. Everything she was too…scared to reach out and take.
“What’s really goin’ on? Did my mother say something to you?”
She shook her head.
His blue eyes snapped fire. “Rielle? Did she open her big mouth? Because—”
Ainsley put her fingers over his lips. “Nothing like that. They were both just curious about why I was at your house. And I didn’t know what to tell them.”
“How about the truth?”
“Which is what, Ben? We met at a sex club? And we were taking a test drive as Dom and sub couple?”
He growled.
“I just…can’t do this anymore. We aren’t lovers.” She smiled sadly. “You don’t want to be my friend, do you?”
“No.”
That hurt. “So, it’s all sex or nothing?”
“Yep. I’ve been following your parameters, Ainsley. But when we’re through with the business aspect of this loan? I want a chance to put things back the way they were.”
“You Dom, me sub.”
His hard gaze pinned her in place. “Really? That’s how you saw what we had together?”
“No.” This was not going as planned. “I thought I wanted to talk to you about this and now I see why I don’t.” She pushed off the couch.
“What are you afraid of?”
Ainsley didn’t answer. She just gathered her things and headed for the door.
Ben hadn’t kissed her at all since that night at her house when she’d suggested friendship. When he helped her put on her coat, she wanted to melt into him. She wished he’d go full Dom on her. Demand she stay.
But he didn’t say a word. He didn’t even walk her out to her car.
That’s when she knew it really was over.
Chapter Twenty-Five
This bullshit situation with Ainsley sucked ass. Stuck in fucking limbo. In purgatory.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
He hadn’t seen her for two goddamn days. He’d even called her yesterday