Cowboy Casanova - Lorelei James [115]
“I might be about to lose my job.”
Ben went motionless. “What? Why?”
“It’s about your loan. Turton, the VP, confronted me about it. He got ahold of the paperwork and said it was bogus.”
“When?”
“Yesterday.”
“Was that why you didn’t go into work today?”
“Yes.”
“How did he find out? Not that it matters now, but I should’ve told you the real reason I applied for the loan.”
“What?” Ainsley fought a sense of dread. “What real reason? What did you intend to use the money for if not for furniture equipment and supplies?”
Distractedly, he said, “A down payment on Rielle’s land, actually. She was in a financial bind. Doesn’t hold true now.”
“You lied to me? You lied on the loan application?”
His head snapped up. “Isn’t that what you meant?”
“No! I meant the loan itself was bogus, not the reason for the loan. But my God, this makes it ten times worse!”
“Angel—”
“Don’t call me that! Don’t you understand? Turton questioned why I sent your loan paperwork to the head office myself, instead of running it through our loan officer. Like I was trying to hide it because we’ve been sneaking around. Then he brought up Chase’s event. How I pushed for the bank’s sponsorship and donation, and now my motives would be construed as dishonest, given our intimate relationship.”
“This is all bullshit, Ainsley.”
“Is it?” she shot back. “We have been sexually involved on a level that isn’t normal…which makes me even more paranoid because what if people found out what I let you do to me—”
“Let me do to you?” he repeated incredulously. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
“You know what that means, Bennett.” She paced and the cats scattered. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. Dammit. I haven’t been acting responsibly since the second I donned that stupid wig and waltzed into the Rawhide Club pretending to be someone I’m not.”
“Are you sayin’ you’re sorry we met?”
Ainsley didn’t answer that—she couldn’t. “All Turton’s accusations have a grain of truth that once piled up makes a damn convincing argument about my poor judgment. As bank president, I can’t have poor financial judgment.”
“This Turton guy is just tryin’ to scare you because I—”
“He has scared me. He’s already set up a phone conference with the district manager for tomorrow. So it’s not like he’s blackmailing me. He intends to get me fired.” She continued pacing. “I’ll have to move back to Denver. Although I’m not sure where I’ll live or what I’ll do.”
“Ainsley. Listen to me. There’s another option.”
A hollow feeling filled her chest and belly when she looked at him. She’d dreaded this. But she’d known it was coming. “What?”
“Would you stay if I asked you?”
“Stay where? In Sundance?”
“Yeah.”
“And do what?” She froze when he continued staring at her with that Dom look. “I can’t ever…be that.”
Ben frowned. “Be what?”
“A lifestyle submissive. Like Layla. With the collar, the full subservience and the discipline whippings.”
“For Christsake!” he bellowed. “That’s what you think I want from you?”
He never bellowed and Ainsley shrank back.
“God, Ainsley, do you really think I’m some kind of controlling monster? That I purposely set out to fuck up your professional life so I could force you into a lifestyle that you’re not suited for, for my own selfish purposes?”
When he put it like that, she felt petty. Bitchy. Ben knew all her vulnerabilities. And he’d never used them against her. Not once.
But you’ve used his against him. You’re about to use them now.
“No. But this circumstance has driven home the point I didn’t know what I was getting into with this Dom/sub thing.”
“And now?”
“Now I know I was naïve. Stupidly hopeful. Nothing but a tourist.”
“What are you saying?” Ben demanded.
Ainsley didn’t want to give him false hope. Confess what the last few weeks had meant to her. Confess what he meant to her. She had to take a hard stance and make a clean break, no matter if it would break her. “I knew exactly what you were when I met you, Bennett. A Dom. My job crisis changes nothing for you. You’re still a Dom. You still need the club. The friendships