Cowboy Casanova - Lorelei James [118]
“Then talk to me.”
“Remember that friend of Layla’s?” Cody nodded. “We ran into each other in Sundance after that weekend at the club. She’s just moved there, so we’ve been playin’ at my house, on a trial basis because she’s not convinced she’s cut out for a Dom/sub relationship. It’s ended up complicated. Even more than I’m letting on because I have feelings for her. Like hardcore I-think-I’m-in-fucking-love-with-her feelings.”
Cody whistled. “Did you tell her?”
“No.” Ben knocked back a swallow of beer. “Because I know she doesn’t feel the same way. I was an experiment. A failed one; she wanted me because I was a Dom, and now she doesn’t want me because I’m a Dom.”
“We came to terms with who we are a long time ago, Ben.”
“I thought I had. Now I don’t know.”
Cody clapped him on the back. “I’m gonna give you the same advice you gave me when Kristin gave me back my collar, get over it, get on with it.”
Ben snorted. “And that’s worked for you…how? You’re still fucking in love with Kristin. You’re still waiting for her to walk back through that door.”
“And hell will freeze over before that happens, so don’t be a dumb fucker like me. There are plenty of woman who wanna get with Bennett. Line up another sub. That’ll take the sting out of it.”
But I don’t want another sub. I want Ainsley.
“I recognize that look. Listen to me. Don’t be a pathetic motherfucker. Move on. Because we both know once a sub’s made her mind up she’s not really a sub, or she’s got an excuse not to be with you as you really are, there’s no going back.” Cody squeezed his shoulder and left him to consider his advice.
What sucked? Cody was exactly right. Which was why Ben hadn’t wanted to talk to him in the first place.
Sometime later Mary Jane and Cliff braved the gloomy cloud surrounding Ben and took seats at his table. The couple had been married thirty years and recently committed to a dominant and submissive relationship.
Mary Jane liked a bite of pain. Cliff, a novice with brute strength, had gotten comfortable with a flogger and a cane, but shied away from the single tail whip. So Ben helped them out, using the whip on Mary Jane while Cliff watched. When Mary Jane reached her happy place, Ben left the scene. No hard-on, no hard feelings.
“Bennett. Haven’t seen you in a while.”
“It’s been a few. How are things with you?” He addressed his comments to Cliff, since they followed traditional protocol in the club and Mary Jane kept her eyes averted.
“Good. Is everything all right?” Cliff asked.
He sighed. “I’ve got a few things on my mind.”
“Anything we can help with?”
Ben looked from Cliff to Mary Jane. Maybe it was fated they ended up at his table tonight, given the last couple days. He knew Mary Jane had a high-powered job as an oil company executive, so maybe she could shed light on what’d happened with Ainsley. “Would you allow me to speak freely to your sub, Cliff?”
“Mary Jane? You have permission to speak to Bennett.”
“Thank you, Sir.” Mary Jane raised her eyes to Ben’s. “What may I help you with?”
“This might sound like a strange question, but would your job be affected if anyone you worked with discovered you were a sexual submissive?”
“In my job right now? Probably not.”
See? Ainsley was just making up excuses not to be with you.
“But bear in mind I’m five years from retirement. If I was a young woman just starting out? Especially in a male-dominated industry? That would be the kiss of death for my career.”
Ben froze.
“Also remember I’m a sexual submissive to my husband of three decades. I’m not a single woman being passed from Dom to Dom in this sex club. That’s also an entirely different situation.”
Ben’s hopes that the obstacles he and Ainsley faced would somehow magically work out, given time and distance, began to fade.
Mary Jane tapped her fingernails on the table. “The reason Cliff and I insist on almost total privacy here is because of my professional position. I wouldn’t be keen on anyone finding