Cowboy Casanova - Lorelei James [40]
Did Ben have hooks and restraining devices in his bedroom? Or did he only indulge in that at the Rawhide Club?
“Here you go.”
She faced him. “You’ve got a beautiful home.”
“Took me six years to get it done. Definitely a learning experience as far as adding to my carpentry know-how, but it ended up being exactly what I wanted.”
Her mouth dropped open. “You built this place? By yourself?”
“Except for the plumbing and electrical and a few odds and ends. It’s a kit house. Kinda like Lincoln logs for grownups. I bought three kits and turned them into one house.”
“That makes it even more impressive.”
“Aw, angel, you’re gonna make me blush.”
Ainsley was pleased that he’d reworked her fake club name into a term of endearment. She watched as he poured himself a Coke. “Just because I’m not drinking doesn’t mean you can’t.” Way to tell him what to do. “Not that you can’t decide yourself whether or not you want an alcoholic drink.” Stop babbling. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
He squeezed her forearm. “You’re probably starved. How about if we eat?”
She looked up right into those stunning blue eyes. She swallowed a girlie sigh. He really was delightful to look at. “Sounds great.”
He instructed her to sit at the counter as he set everything up. “It’s nothin’ fancy. Just chicken and potato casserole. A side salad if you want it.”
After they’d taken a couple of bites, Ben spoke. “Given the way we met, seems strange to swap life stories, but I reckon we oughta get the basics out of the way. So go ahead. Ask me anything.”
That was a loaded question. “You’re part of the McKay family ranching dynasty.”
“Dynasty.” Ben snorted. “I’m just a simple rancher.”
“So your main job is…”
“Cattle. Feeding them, breeding them, moving them, selling them. I work with my older brother Quinn on our section of the ranch. But we all help each other out if need be. Certain times of the year are busier than others. It ain’t a nine to five job, like bankers’ hours.”
She bristled until she realized he was teasing. “Funny, cattleman. Have you ever been married?”
“Nope.” He shot her a sideways glance. “You?”
“I was married for almost five years. Been divorced almost two years.”
“Kids?”
“None.”
“So what happened to bust up your marriage?”
Ben’s forthright manner was refreshing. “The things that made us compatible in the beginning of our relationship started to wear on me. My ex was set in his ways and didn’t understand why I wanted things between us to change. Luckily, I got out of the marriage before I became bitter, but I didn’t get out unscathed.”
His gaze hooked hers. “To be blunt, you wanted to experiment, sexually, and he wasn’t on board?”
“He was appalled. At one point he told me I needed counseling to deal with my unhealthy attitude about sex and my desire for deviant behavior.”
“What a fuckin’ idiot. I don’t need to tell you that you’re better off without him.”
“I get that he wasn’t a sexual man. For a few years I thought I was asexual, just like him, but I realized I wasn’t. The fear that I’d find myself sixty years old and regret choosing a man with a pension plan instead of finding real passion gave me the courage to end the marriage.” She pushed her food around on her plate. “His last shot at me? I was a sex addict, control freak, ball-buster. Which led me to believe I was a Domme. So now I don’t know what the hell I am.”
Then Ben’s hands were on her face. “What you are is a beautiful, sexy woman. Smart enough to get out of a situation that didn’t fit you. The real you.”
Her eyes searched his. “You really believe I’m submissive.”
“Yes. It’s not control you want, Ainsley. It’s freedom from control. Freedom not to have to micromanage every aspect of your life. Freedom to trust that your sexual well-being will be tended to by a man you trust. Freedom to feel instead of think.”
“You are the man who can get me to do that?”
Ben leveled that