Crash Into Me_ A Survivor's Search for Justice - Liz Seccuro [27]
“I spoke with the young man. He said the sex was consensual. He did not deny that he was intoxicated, but he believed it was what you wanted.”
I was devastated. “It was not consensual. He raped me. I don’t know how I can be any clearer.” I started to cry. “What else can I do? I am not giving up on this. You have to help me.”
He gestured to Dean Todd. “If it makes you feel any better, you can go with Dean Todd and she’ll take your statement. She can take you to the university police if you so choose.” Dean Todd looked at me with sadness.
Statement? Had I not made a statement to Canevari? To Dean Davis? To Student Health? Why had they not interviewed any witnesses? Questioned all the brothers in the fraternity house that night? Of course Beebe would deny it, but why would the investigation stop there? Fine, I thought, I’ll make a statement. Another statement.
“Besides,” said Canevari, “this kid is no longer a threat to you. He’s left the university.”
What?
“But I thought he denied it. And we haven’t even told the university police yet. Was he expelled because this violated the Honor Code?”
“No, he didn’t violate the Honor Code—that is only for lying, cheating, and stealing. He had been having some academic problems. He left of his own volition.”
So, if you cheat on an exam, you can get kicked out of Mr. Jefferson’s Academical Village, but if you rape a fellow student you can just quietly slip away? When had he left? And why had no one told me? Were they sure he was never coming back? Canevari seemed unwilling to give me any further information. He bade me good-bye and led Dean Todd and me to the door. We walked over to her office in Garrett Hall. The office seemed like a perfect expression of her—warm and inviting, filled with fresh flowers, photos in silver picture frames, and mementos of her life in Texas. She was gracious, concerned, and maternal. I still couldn’t bear the thought of telling my actual mother, but I opened up to Dean Todd immediately. I told her the whole story again, of the rape, the ER, and my meeting with Canevari, not even trying to disguise my contempt for him. She nodded, she listened, and she wrote notes. She asked who was there that night, whom she might be able to speak with. Since I was so new to the university, I still didn’t know a lot of faces, but I named Jim, Hudson Millard, Cricket, and a few people I had happened to see there.
“Dean Todd, may I still go to the university police?”
“Why, of course you can, sugar. I’ll take you there myself whenever you’re ready.”
Phew. I felt so much better. And I was ready to go to the university police. But still, I put it off just a little bit longer. I didn’t know what would be involved once I set that in motion, and my parents were arriving the next day.
On Friday, as I sat in a late class, my mom and dad were at a cocktail party to welcome first years and their parents. A girl from my dorm introduced herself to my parents, saying how sorry she was for what had happened. My parents asked what she meant. She faltered and stammered, “Um, you better ask Liz. She really needs you right now.”
My parents became panicked, frantically calling my dorm room from a pay phone outside. I returned home from class to a ringing phone, but when I answered, it was Dean Canevari. My parents were in his office.
“You better get down here right now and tell them exactly what’s going on.” My heart about leaped out of my chest. I had told him that I wanted to tell my parents on my own terms. He had let me down once again. I told him I