Crossing Over - Anna Kendall [41]
I reeled with all these instructions. The only thing I found to say was, “What’s a milady posset?”
“Never you mind. It’s merely a thing that I need. Oh, Roger, don’t fail me now!”
“But you have other friends . . . men with swords . . .”
“I cannot tell any of them! Oh, for sweet sake, smile, Sarah is looking at us—” Cecilia trilled with laughter. She cried loudly, “You have won, you swine!” She pushed the silver coin across the table to me.
Lady Sarah strolled over, smiling maliciously. “So the fool won! A good thing you did not make Jane’s wager with him, Cecilia. For now Jane must pay up.”
Lady Jane stood and pushed over the table, stamping her foot in its high-heeled slipper. But even I could see that her anger wasn’t real. Was she really going to allow her chastity to be won in a dice game? Or was Lord Thomas not the first?
The queen, whatever her own reputation, would not approve of this. Neither of the queens.
The courtiers, making bawdy jests, crowded around Lady Jane and Lord Thomas. Lady Sarah turned to watch. I felt another, larger coin thrust into my hand, and then Cecilia flounced away toward the others, crying, “Jane! I will be your lady of the bedchamber!”
The coin in my hand was gold.
I put both in my pocket and slipped out the door from the outer chamber to the presence chamber. If Cecilia saw me go, she gave no sign. In my alcove I drew the curtain and stood there, shivering in the dark. The tiny space had neither fire nor candle. But usually I was there only when asleep, and Queen Caroline had given me three warm blankets. I wished I could crawl under them and never come out.
What was I going to do?
I couldn’t bear to see Cecilia so unhappy. Was she sick, and the milady posset a cure for some illness? But then why not tell the queen and ask for a physician? Was the posset some herb that brought temporary—if deluded—happiness? Such things existed, I knew. But ale or wine would do the same thing if enough was drunk, and it didn’t cost a gold piece. I had never even seen a gold piece before.
What was I going to do?
Slowly I took off my green-and-yellow fool’s suit. At the same time, I faced the truth. I was afraid to go into the city alone.
Slowly I drew on my old rough trousers and patched boots.
I was a coward.
I pulled on the tunic that Kit Beale had given me.
I had always been a coward. When I stayed under Hartah’s beatings, when I begged Lady Conyers to keep me by her, when Queen Caroline threatened me with torture if I didn’t do her bidding. A coward.
With my knife I cut off a section of a blanket, cut two holes in it to make a mask, and thrust it into my pocket. I put on my hooded cloak, a gift from the queen.
I was going out into the city. For Cecilia.
14
THE QUEEN’S ROOM emptied soon enough; the lords and ladies all went to put Lady Jane and Lord Thomas to bed. That whole business shocked me still—a lady, allowing herself to be gambled for like a whore! There was so much different about the court from what I had vaguely imagined when I arrived here with Kit Beale. Even Queen Caroline—why had she retired so early? Who was the sour-faced man in black whose conversation had so upset Her Grace?
I crept through the darkened presence chamber. Just before my hand touched the doorknob, I realized my mistake. Green guards stood on the other side. If I, the queen’s fool, walked past them in rough dress, the queen would know it within minutes. So, I was beginning to realize, would everyone else in the palace, which was a web of spies. If the queen had me searched, the gold piece would be found. Then what of Cecilia’s secrecy?
I went back to my alcove, put my fool’s garb back on, tightly rolled my old clothes in my cloak, and walked back through the presence chamber. This time I opened the door.
“Good morning, queen’s men!” I said, and kicked up both legs like a frisky colt.
One of the guards smiled. “It is evening, fool.”
I looked amazed. “Are you sure? No, it’s eight o’clock of a morning! I heard a cock