Crown of Shadows - C. S. Friedman [181]
What good would it do to tell them? he despaired, as he received his allotment of food. The thought was not without bitterness. They’d be happy if it devoured me.
It was getting worse and worse as they went on. He had hoped that the hours of riding would dull his senses until all feeling ceased, but it had done just the opposite. Every hoofbeat that brought him closer to the heart of the Hunter’s domain was like a nail driven into his flesh, and it was all he could do not to scream, not to beg them to turn back, turn back! and take him out of this place that was slowly remaking him, turning him into something he was never meant to be.
How could he explain to the Patriarch what was happening ? He didn’t understand it himself. Shutting his eyes, he remembered the moment when they had first come to the Forest’s border, when he had stood so close to it that he could feel its power like a chill breath upon his neck. He had been afraid to go forward then, as any sane man would be, and for a moment it seemed to him that he would truly be unable to ride on. Then the Patriarch came up beside him, and he put his hand across the vast space separating them and clasped him upon the arm. Strength flowed through the contact, enough that Andrys could gasp out a few words.
“I can‘t,” he whispered. “I don’t have the strength.”
The hand on his arm tightened for a moment, and he quailed at the thought of the anger that might now be directed at him. But the Patriarch’s voice was quiet and level, with no condemnation in it. “Then trust in God, my son. He does.”
Andrys looked at him, and for a moment their eyes locked. For a brief moment he sensed the deep well of strength in the other man, a reservoir so vast that all the trials of a lifetime could never empty it. Give me one drop of that in my own soul, he begged silently. Let me taste it, just for a day. Then the moment passed and he was on his own once more. Heart numb, he urged his horse forward, into the point position. Past the Patriarch. Past Zefila. Forward, step by step, into ...
Temptation.
Oh, yes, there were horrors enough in the Forest to send any sane man running. Oh, yes, he was sickened by the foul odors of the place, nauseated by the aura of rot that clung to every tree, every stone in the place. Yes, he could feel the chill power of Gerald Tarrant battering at the gateway of his soul as the fae tried to pry his identity loose, to let his take its place. All those things and more were there, enough to freeze any man’s blood. But there was something else, too. Something so unexpected that he could hardly absorb it. Something so horrifying in its implications—and so seductive in its form—that he dared not give voice to it, for fear the others would declare him mad.
He could feel the trees, as the Forest breeze caressed them. He could feel their coarse bark as if it were his own skin, and he winced at the sharp bite of parasites burrowing beneath it as if it were his own flesh they ate. High above him he could feel the thick night deepening, the faint sting of moonlight on his branches, the cold breath of a mountain wind stirring his leaves. Too much sensation for any one man to absorb ... and yet only the gateway, he sensed, to an even greater vision.
Was he going crazy? Or was this simply a manifestation of Gerald Tarrant’s own link with the Forest, a sign that it indeed recognized Andrys as part of itself? He was afraid to ask. He was afraid that somehow, by putting the experience into words, he would give it more power. He was afraid that his soul would drown, not in a sea of terror, but in a tidal wave of sensation so rich and so fascinating that no man could resist it.
There were birds in the trees, and he could taste their hunger lapping at his branches as they searched for the insects